White Christmas.

..*tip tap* i thought i heard snow falling in my sleep. Its Mississippi i am at right now, i remembered - i brushed that thought away and went back to zzzland.

6:30AM - Tiff's mom woke us up; "Its snowing" says she!

Best (and first) WHITE Christmas ever =) Waking up to snow falling from the Heavens Christmas morning was just picture perfect. Lovely. Stunning. Amazing.

It was a magical Christmas i had this year, with the Woodcocks - truly a wonderful family!

I didn't think i would have survived this Christmas, but i did very well i must say :)

I am actually very excited to hear all about your first Christmas in Heaven, papi. I am equally as curious about your "day to day" activities up there.

Wish we could trade stories ..like now would be fantastic?!

But i guess i'll wait, till we meet again in the Heavens.

..you'll always remain as my special favoritest man in my whole wide world, papi. Love you.

ps. as much as i truly enjoyed snow falling on Christmas morning, part of me wished i was home with the family. Love you all bunches, see you in 5 months :)

Glad tidings,

i bring to you.

Once again, we're at the magical month of December :)

In my strangely finite mind, December is closely placed alongside ..White snowy Christmas spent with family/closed ones while sipping peppermint hot chocolate (source: my tv addiction)

In reality, 'tis the season when i'll miss home the most.

They say, the first year is going to be the toughest.

..their first wedding anniversary, our first Christmas, our first new years, our first birthdays, his first birthday, his first anniversary, among many more first ..without him.

I've been pondering quite abit lately, :( I still can't quite comprehend this. I don't understand and i don't think i ever will. :'( How did that one month do so much more harm to my heart than my past 25 years did to me? How can you be there for my first 25 and not my next 25? ..How do you tell your heart its okay and everything is going to be fine?

PS. Its the thirteen once again.

Dearest papi,

I survived my first semester as a Graduate student. You'll be proud to know that i did exceedingly well :) One down and only nine more amazing semesters to go!

In my heart, you'll always be journeying alongside me.

Oh, how do i even begin with how much i miss and love you? :'(

Know that i am ever so proud of you.

All my love,

Laine

When i grow up,

I'm going to be an amazing surgeon.

but, i've recently began to realize that i'm not exactly heading down the appropriate path to achieve that dream.

So Cia, i choose to live vicariously through you.

I am constantly thankful for this awesome family He has provided me with.

I'm extremely proud to be part of this particular Tan clan, :)

Love each and every one of you so very much.

I dreamt of you.

It was only for a split second but i knew it was you.

You told me, take good care of yourself darling girl.

I replied, you know that i love you very much right?

You were waiting for me to go print something at my apartment

..and right before i turned away, you said I'll wait for you right here.

About a girl.

The past few days, i am reminded of a story i read a long time ago,

about a girl sobbing as she hugged her dad goodbye at the airport.

She was leaving for her studies, and knew she could not afford to come home to visit.

She knew the only time she'll be back, was going to be for her dad's funeral.

I do not know if my memory has tweaked the story fairly recently or that was how the story was originally presented to me.

Nonetheless.

I am the girl,

who did not even make it back for her dad's funeral.

whose tears and laughter now come habitually natural to her.

who reminds herself she's not only doing this for herself.

I am the girl, who still needs her father.

The daughter, whom God has assured at innumerable occasions.

You are not alone.

A promise made.

to wake up early for an experience with You, every tomorrow.

to attempt to learn the book of Psalms by heart,

(..not so sure how long that is going to take me but i'm making progress with Psalm 1,

I remember papi asking me to memorize this Psalm about 7 years ago or so - clearly that didn't stick, hah.

But based on Ebbinghaus' Methods of Savings, i should be able to save 33% of the time learning it the second time round. I love how Psychology is in everything!)

I yearn for wisdom and discernment.

I want Your glory to live and shine through me, daily.

I desire to make both my fathers proud, real proud of me.

Sincerely, i ask for Your help in achieving that.

I love that how both my fathers are in the same place right now, ♥

I miss spending real quality time with you both.

October already?

You experience fleeting moments,

You take a breath,

and move on to the next task at hand.

You realize how unstressful life as an undergraduate was.

Then again, i was never really stressed then to begin with.

Hah!

No room to be lazy (still working on this),

Procrastination is frown upon,

not to mention the immense pressure you impress upon yourself.

..sleep is now a luxury.

Ahh, such is life as a graduate student.

Yet, i'm loving every single fleeting moment of it! :)

Death.

What does it truly mean?

Cause it doesn't quite mean the same to me than it does to the world.

I may not be back home right now, but i still feel your presence at home.

At the randomest moment, it hits me hard.

I'll say to myself; Wait a minute! Where is daddy now?

I have to mentally remind myself what it means. What death means.

I may not be able to see you physically ever again,

but you'll always live through me.

I constantly think of ways i'll be introducing my children to the amazing grandpa they didn't get the opportunity to love.

Please don't fade away, papi-memories. I plead with you. :'(

It hurts.

Why haven't you visited me in my dreams yet?

I want to hug you and say goodbye so badly.

You know how i feel about saying goodbyes, yet i feel i should this time since i'm not sure when will i get to see you again.

Maybe cause i haven't been sleeping much lately. Is that why you haven't drop by yet?

Maybe you have, but i just can't remember.

Why can't i remember? :(

I miss you so much, it hurts bad.

This week was overwhelming, partly cause Monday was one month since.

:'(

Day22.

I wanted a two bedroom apartment, so i'll have space when y'all come visit.

I made my bed up pretty, cause i knew you'd have the bed when you come visit.

I am saving to get a big car, so you'd have more leg room on our road trips.

I should have asked you all the questions i didn't know i wanted to ask.

These questions keep popping up in my mind.

How do i make them go away before they remind me you're no longer in the present? :(

I wish i had been more interested in learning how to cook.

I wish i had thanked you enough for everything you've done.

I wish i hadn't disappointed you as much as i did.

I wish i had told you how much i love you, more frequently.

and I certainly hope i did all i could, to be a good daughter.

On your birthday this year i told you;

Next year this time, we're going on a road trip!

It's going to be destination birthday from next year forth :)

Looks like you have gone ahead and reached your next destination. A final one, in fact.

I bet you're going to tell me - I've scored the coolest destination ever.

PS. It's that day, again. :'(

Please don't.

There is a season to mourn.

The bible says so.

I'm hurting, really badly.

So quit telling me to rejoice in the death of my father.

I do know very well that i'm going to see my dad eventually.

But know that eventually and actually is a whole different semantic.

I'm only 25, who knows how long actually is going to take?

He was my dad. My precious father.

I do not expect anyone to understand what i'm going through.

When this happens, you join an exclusive club.

Where only those who have lost a parent knows it exist,

and everyone else is just on the other side of the invisible barrier.

Please don't say you understand.

Please don't say its going to get better.

Please don't ask me to rejoice in this.

Just please don't say.

Not now.

I have found joy and hope in the midst of all these sorrow.

But please let me do this at my own pace.

Fridays.

I used to adore them. What's not to love about Fridays, ey?

Now, they just remind me of the day i lost my favorite man on this earth.

I go about each day wondering what would his Word of the Wise be for today?

I ask myself, What would papi say about this? Would he be proud of what i was doing?

I was his eldest daughter, his personal psychologist, his fellow TV addict, among many other roles.

He was my earthly guardian, my hero, my source of advice, my father who would do just about anything for his family, and plenty more.

Ever since i flew approximately 10,000 miles away from home, i was afraid i would never have another opportunity to have an actual conversation with him anymore. :(

(Don't get me wrong, i did believe in healing. But unfortunately, i am mere human.)

He started pulling away from the world. He started talking less frequently. I bet even stopped watching TV.

I will always remember how tough it was for him to watch me fade away 2 years ago. Clearly, when one in the family is hurting - the rest naturally follow closely behind with the same burden of hurt.

It was (and still) is beyond painful, yet i have to be strong and brave. I need to be one less of a worry for mom. She didn't need to be worrying about me, she already had her hands full back home.

I miss him, so badly. I miss my father. Call me selfish, but i would like to have my father for longer than 25 years. Yet, I still thank God for providing me with an amazing family. I love you Mom, Cia and Beanie so much ♥.

PS. Now, what was the five steps of acceptance again? Sometimes i wonder if i'm barely past the first. denial.

It's one week today.

I know God will never give me more than I can handle, but I really wish He didn't trust me so much sometimes!

- Mother Teresa

I will survive this, I know i will.

"Be still, and know that I am God." Says He.

Psalms 46:10

I miss you.

You are amazing.

You are my hero, ♥

always was and always will be.

I love you, so very much.

I'll see you again soon, on the other side.

Thank you.

for fighting the battle.

and for holding on,

as long as you could.

I know He is saying to you, right now.

"Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!"

(Matthew 25:21)

I'll see you on the other side.

I plead.

I feel like a fraud.

I hate to shortchange people of me,

yet deep down it hurts to pretend or conveniently forget the reality.

I need you to breathe for me,

please.

I plead for your life,

but i need you to fight as hard as you can.

I love you, so much.

The going gets tough.

I hear,
they say you need to get worst before you even begin to get better.

I wish,
the journey isn't that tough to fight.

I hope,
you persevere on no matter what.

I will be,
right behind you. always.
because you mean the world to me.

Fight a good fight,
Finish the race,
Keep the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7

I truly believe.

and even my bones concur.

:)

Dear Lord,
I surrender him to You.

May Your strength and mercies,
renew at the every break of dawn.

Walk with him.
Dream with him.
Conquer with him.

In Your precious name,
Amen

This task before me may seem unclear,
But it, my maker holds.
Bebo Norman's The Hammer Holds

I walk alone.

You may sit awhile with me.
You may pray along with me.
You may hope together with me.
You may believe for me.

But.
Ultimately, i still walk alone.
With only God by my side,
..and it is all that i ever needed.

Leaving home.

did not feel this real.
..not till yesterday.

It has always felt so far and foreign,
until it hits close to home. literally.

His grace is sufficient,
always has been and always will be.
(AMEN)

Must love dogs.

It broke my heart.
To see that many dogs roaming the vicinity of Mouth Kinabalu, Sabah.
To know i wouldn't be able to fend them all.

How do i take care of all the dogs in the world, Cia?
I hear myself ask.

The only comfort was,
they weren't holding their weight on only three limbs, neither were they abused in any way.

At least, they had compassion unlike my stupid neighbors.

I whisper a prayer as i pass each of them.

Surely i'm going to miss my puppies dearly when i leave. :(

*Dear future husband, you must love dogs.

41 sunsets.

Now that feels too close for comfort.

Though,
I may need more time.
who doesn't, hey?

Still,
I look forward to you, day 42.

I am more than trilled. excited. anxious. nervous.
anticipating beyond this mind's capability.

PS. I've never really liked you in the past, but i've decided i would this year.
Hello, beautiful June! Fill me up with amazing people encounters, will ya? :)

Lord, lord.

"Why do you call me Lord?

When you won't even do what I ask."

Adapted from.
onetimeblind's Lord, lord.

Perfecto.

His timing is beyond perfect.

All that is needed of us, is to.
Wait patiently for it.
Be open to it.
Brace yourself for it.

the,
who would (ever) have thought moments.

Who would have thought,
I'd be spending the rest of my twenties back at school.
Cognitive Science. PhD. Mississippi.
its like a dream come true.

I would never have thought.

Amazing, He is indeed.

I love Him so much more, =)
He never cease to amaze me with His enchanting surprises.
♥

Closer, yet farther.

As i feel the void between us.
I long for, when i was much closer to You.

And as i attempt in reaching out again for You,
You seem even farther away.

Have i slid that much a distance?

I hate that i need constant reminder to be aware of You.
Consciously asking myself to know You are here.

Why hasn't it be a reflex already?

Shame on me.

A succinct moment.

I was never trained to be succinct with words.
I grew to love how words can convey such specific emotions and thoughts perfect for the moment.

This entry isn't about words, but how concise my present moment is about.

Many has remarked on how brave i am to embark toward my next destination in life.
Most are shocked to find out i know no one in that relatively foreign land i'm preparing to set foot on.

They see it as, i'll be all alone (thousands of) miles away from home.
I see it as, I am never alone. He has gone before me and is going with me.

I can argue that reality hasn't quite set in yet,
but i can't deny how at peace i am about this next (new) beginning i'm about to play out.
It will be a (new) beginning, literally. I have always wondered what it would be like living in a far far away land where no one knows me. Guess what? i get to find out myself :D

This moment is beyond words.
I am beyond ecstatic.
Rapturous delight, may do it justice.

Almost didn't; doesn't count.

In the before;
You almost didn't even think it possible.
You almost didn't do it.
You almost didn't apply for it.
.. just for the peace of it, you did.
It became your just for the sake of.
but that almost didn't turned out to be It.
His best path for you.

Look back and you'll come to see,
how you were (sortof) nudged in that direction,
no matter how often you shoved that idea aside when it popped up in your mind!

Weigh it now, at the after;
you'll realize why you didn't see it,
how that was It then.
just because you were distracted, in the before.

How It fits you perfectly.
Almost as if it's tailored for you.

And then,
you'll truly understand what it means
for Him to know what's best.
since we didn't know better, back then.

The path that led me to this juncture was amazingly eventful,
crucial for the preparation of my immediate future.

With that, I am going to fully embrace every second of It.

I am but, one step closer to my dream come true.
and i have my Father to thank for that.
:)

I'm in.

I can't seem to fall asleep,
even when it's almost the break of dawn.

Perhaps i'm afraid i'll wake up from this dream.
This isn't a dream now is it? :)
That moment is still vivid and its playing over and over again in my head.

That instant i found out I was going back to school again,
Knowing i'm one step closer to living the dream.
Realizing it wasn't just make believe and wishful thinking having this dream.

Couple of days back,
Cia said to me; berani mimpi.
I told her; I didn't dare to.
She knew, hence the reminder.

Before i sent the package out this morning,
I asked myself if i had the faith to give it up first.
and wait for this.

Clearly, I am still lacking in that department.
The department of faith.

This month in particular,
I have so much to say but its all dwelling up in the head.
I'll need to sort them out,
before i am able to turn them into meaningful strings of words.

Till then, i may sound incongruent. Please pardon my gibberish. :)

Above all things mentioned here;
I thank my Amazing Father,
Who has brought me thus far.
Who has sent wonderfully amazing people to remind me and hope for me.

He is indeed a God of second chances.
.. and this time, i'm hanging onto it with both hands. :p

Shades of grey.

Exactly how many are there?

Shades of grey.

It isn't just black and white,
it never was.

and never will be.

In fact,
the shades of grey multiplies.
.. as you struggle along life's journey.

(i hope i didn't sound that vague,
grey is (sortof) a euphemism for something-life)

The love of The Father.

Russell is scheduled for surgery in the morning.
An ovariohysterectomy, and i miss her already.
She has to stay the night at the clinic.
(i have to go through this process again with Bacon and Olive, i wonder if it's ever going to be easier)

Since mom spoke to the veterinarian i assumed she knew,
i bothered her with questions about the procedure,
till the point she suggested i check in with Russell.

If they had allowed human companions for the surgery and the stay overnight,
i would have.

It hurts to know she will be in pain,
and she will assume i abandoned her there. :(

As the heart aches over the arrangement,
where there were no other way around this than to wait till morning,
when i can bring Russell home.

I experienced an extremely quasi analogousness,
to the significance of today.

Today,
signifies the deed on the cross.
How much the Father loved us,
that He gave His only begotten son.
To take upon the sins of the world,
and be separated for that instant.

The hurt must have been beyond unbearable.
For there is no greater love than His love for us.
No words expressive enough to thank you,
for loving me, above all else.

I love you Father, most sincerely.

Desperate, much.

Just last weekend, we visited dad and mom's pastor from about 30 years ago! He is such a wonderful person, an exceptionally hilarious pastor. Makes me wonder how much excitement they must have had while growing up in church in their time. :)

Pastor John said many things, things that made me laugh so hard i realized what i took for granted.

One thing he said that stuck to me ever since, was this.

You must be desperate enough to ask for in prayer.

On frequent occasions, I am inclined to just whisper a prayer and see how things go.
See how things turn out.
Even by typing that out, i am embarrassed at my lack of faith.

Just sitting around waiting for things to fall into place isn't the way to go.
desperation however, brings about movement.
a whole different level of putting all your heart in prayer.

I urge you, to be desperate.
Desperate enough to yearn for perpetual experience of His greatness.

Forget anxiety,
all that does is overwhelm you and shadow the surreal excitement you're supposed to be feeling.

As the sense of surrealism sets in, i learn to trust Him entirely. I have after all, come this far haven't i? :)

Every single day feels like an adventure with Him. Embrace it, Live it, Be proud of it.

PS. April is going to be a fabulous month, i know so.

The divine will.

If God willing, I'll be able to (insert verb) end of this year.
Have you ever been guilty of muttering these three words, in vain?
Well, i certainly have.
(allow me to explain my side of the argument)

As a Christian; a socially desirable phrase to include alongside your dream would be,
If it is (was) in God's will...

Often times, we end up using that as a defense mechanism against that unfulfilled dream of ours.
The dream we (sort of) knew we were hanging onto for our very own selfish ambitions, for the wants of a glamorous life in a fancy city, the longing of getting out of this rut hole we've been residing in long enough.
The truth hurts, so we lie (to ourselves).
Whatever your reasons may be, ultimately we're the ones getting hurt. And then, the whole justifying process begins.

So pick yourself up.

Truly mean those three words.

Evidently,
My Father's will trumps mine.
for His is the divine will.

Struggling to do something with my nothing.

Cia called me a glutton when i crashed with her last week,
i don't blame her as i knew i ate much more than i always do.
That was definitely, me stress eating.

Running away is neither an option nor wise,
Sooner or later you'll have to face it.
I've got mail, and its wasn't bright and shiny :(
I find it hard to fall asleep at night.
Knowing tomorrow brings me closer to the answer.

Maybe it's time i find a new ambition?
Hmm, i dunno, maybe like a surgeon or someone the likes of my favorite television drama i love immersing myself in. Doesn't really sound like a bad idea now does it? ;)
Heh. Talk about a delusional mind. The Grey's marathon has begun again.

I sit down and count the number of close friends i have.
People i truly am able to talk and share with.
Like minded friends, i refer to them as.
People i sincerely treasure,
and would like to hold on to for this lifetime.

She tore out a page of her Daily Bread after i said i liked it.
It reads; Do Something with Nothing.
It has never been this difficult trying to do something, anything.
This is the dreadful part, the part where uncertainty hits me the hardest.

I can hardly wait for the time in my life where i'll look back and smile,
yet i need to earnestly treasure this season for it came with a Higher purpose.

I barely know what to pray for anymore.
I try to channel this energy back to Him, but it isn't easy.
Knowing there's a chance i never wanted to let it go in the first place.

All that matters now is, who's with you on this journey. And as long as we have Him, we're going to be more than just fine. A dear friend reminded me.

Maybe i'll start by, setting up a trust fund for the kids :)

Philippi.

Philippians 4
says;

6Do not be anxious about anything,
but in everything,
by prayer and petition,
with thanksgiving,
present your request to God.

I was reminded just hours ago of this verse, by Brian Tang :)

Perhaps, all that is needed for the answers to arrive at my mailbox is to not be anxious.

Somehow, it feels like He's grooming me for the moment of truth.
and i'll give anything, to truly say; I'm ready. Lay it on me, Father.

Pray. That i do, fervently.

Elaine Tan is,

Obsessed.
Freaking out.
Losing it.
Overwhelmed.
but still clinging onto that glimmer of hope.

In search of the fast forward button.

Oh wait, it doesn't exist now does it? Hm.

In need to get away for a bit, for the sake of my sanity.

:(

perhaps, i need vous to be around.

A whole bundle of them.

A week worth of nerves.

..is definitely taking a toll on my mental health. :( Waking up at 2am, and not being able to fall back to sleep is insanely frustrating! Nerves, they come barging into my daily life, and now mess with my circadian rhythm? I can't seem to rid off them nerves.

I awake at a couple intervals throughout the night, all fidgety and restless. Anxious for answers that are due to arrive in my mailbox. This year however, i do not have the luxury of refreshing my mailbox every other minute. Thank goodness for that, i am less obsessed with empty mailboxes this year. Still, tension builds as i am not being able to stare at my empty virtual mailbox part willing for an answer, part hoping i get to live in this make believe world a little while longer. :(

I do not know what is coming my way, not even the slightest hint. :( It isn't easy, not knowing. I seek however, for the Grace to accept whatever answers that are coming my way! :) I sincerely want that for myself. Amazingly, i did just that a week ago =) I continue to hold fast onto His promises, and strength through this season.

You have no idea, how many times i wished for a fast-forward button. I wished i didn't have to go through yet another nerve wreaking season. :(

The calmness before the storm, hey?
Father, grant me the serenity and grace needed for this time of my life.

I am reminded of;

Psalms 127
1Unless the Lord builds the house,
its builders build in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.

2In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat,
for He grants sleep to those He loves.

i miss vous, much.

Thessaloniki.

1 Thessalonians 5
says;

16Rejoice always, 17pray without ceasing, 18in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

rejoice, pray, give thanks;
always, without ceasing, in everything.
for This is the will of God.

Amen.

Bark not,

at your master

I will always remember that one afternoon, when i (sort of) crept up behind Russell. Not intentionally of course, she didn't hear me coming. They always did have brilliant hearing and a great sense of my approaching. Not that day though, Russell was sleeping and didn't hear me nearing.

Then, i was too close for comfort to a drowsy Russell and thus causing a reflex of consecutive barks.

Russell barked at me for the first time, ever ever.

Needless to say, i was heartbroken :( It is I, why did she bark? I asked myself for the first 15 minutes, after.

Dad said i caught her off guard! So, will an on guard bark hurt less? I doubt it.

This (the barking and stuff) may seem of little relevance in life, but it works in our earthly journey as well;
Ergo Bark not, at your Master for it'll hurt Him.. much.


***
To Mom, my most loyal blog reader :)
You're the best mom in my whole wide world! and there aren't enough words to succinctly describe how wonderfully amazing you have been. So i'll just say this, thank you mom and i love you, much! ♥
Blessed Birthday, mom! (hugs) :)

Absence.

Dear sibling,
I may not have known you personally;
but i felt your absence when you left with Him.
Surely you have made an impact amongst the people around you;
for i felt the void lingering when they grieved at your departure.
I am proud of who you became;
you have triggered a carry over effect that has and is about to impact plenty!
Thank you, for who you are.
See you on the other side, dear sibling.

♥
the heart aches, so much.

Smile, you are so pretty.

It has definitely been a hectic start of the year for me! With January almost up, i still feel as if i should begin working up my Christmas spirit. How far behind am i keeping myself at? :(
And being anxious isn't helping, at all. I have accepted the fact, i now need self-convincing to wake up and face a new day (almost every single day).
Last year's today wasn't a very pleasant one, i still recall vividly :( I wouldn't want that unpleasantness to revisit me, yet i can't help but wonder if it will only come by later :(

When the spirits are down, expect to receive a lift me up from the Father :) He does that. He is really awesome with little surprises =))
(when you're so busy wallowing, who would be on the look out for those lift me up, hey? :p Hence, making the surprise even better :D)

Smiles are contagious, always. Laughter brightens the spirit. Which is why, i adore having shiny smiley happy little beings around me :) They have the most heartwarming smile to offer, and the most sincere laughter to boot =)

LJH, lights up my day :) I thank God for giving him that amazing smile, that infectious laughter, and a willingness to share it.

Thought i should share his smile :) Spread the joy around.
he actually reminds me of Calvin (of the Calvin & Hobbes fame :p)
especially when he combs his hair after his bath! =)
i adore him, much <3

..i think i need more of this, and not what you are willing to give.

Preparation.

first entry for the year; and i wanted it to be something well worth mentioning! This is why i was holding out on this, i wanted it to be significant. Before this year arrived, i couldn't say i was anticipating it with much excitement, neither can i right now. Being all set for His way does not equate actually being excited for it, does it? Or should it? Theoretically, maybe. Well, now that is the fuzzy part isn't it? (at least for me)

A girl can attempt to be ready for her uncertainty in life; yet she does not have to be excited about it! A girl can prepare herself for anything; yet it shocks the life out of her when it really comes to pass. Who actually does it correctly when preparing for the arrival of the emotion, the reaction, the actual event? It almost always turn out totally different. No matter how much time and effort you invested to train that mind to react.

Who prepares for a death? Even if they knew well ahead when was the ETA on going home. Who gets ready for the breakup when you're holding on tightly to all those excessive chemical release, being in love and all.

Oh dear, morbid thoughts. My supposed well worth mentioning thoughts. I guess, this year brought back memories of last year! And have you ever realized how tough it is to forget something you don't really want to remember? It always seem like, the harder you tried to erase it, the stronger it sticks onto you!

So there, my thoughts for the new year. My conclusion for now; one cannot truly be ready ready for something that isn't here yet. Hypothetical isn't real. It is not supposed to be, real. Perhaps, when it is here already, you can then decide to be ready for it. But before it happens, stay put.

(note: thoughts may appear to be a little confusing because maybe it is a little messed up)

On an unrelated note. For the new year, i cut my hair (real short) and found myself a new American series to be addicted to, the series called Life. I love it. He reminds me of someone i know very well. I like his sense of logic and rationale. Charming.

Shall return soon.