Twenty five's the magic number.

I am truly and exceedingly anxious nervous about tomorrow! Seriously, i would like very much to start the new year with a little more certainty. It is going to be my 25th year in life, and 25 years is a long time (at least in my world of perception, it is). One can achieve great things by 25, one can do manymany things in 25 years! Turning twenty five, hey? *it is going to be magical* ..really?

I look back and ponder; wondering how this year went by just like that. As much as i love making lists, i am not in the habit of churning out new year's resolutions, what is the point of having one if i don't even come close to crossing them off by the end of each year? People tend to get excited about the whole new year; new resolutions dramadrama! Its all very pretty to begin the new year with a big bang, along with all these amazing ideas and must dos without taking realism into point here.
(i certainly do not want to sound like a cynical misanthrope, oppsie :p Just a point to note; i do not oppose of having new resolutions in general, just for myself i do =))

"What are your plans for next year?" I get that, alot.
I tell myself; its okay, they're just concerned for you.
but i'm sorry, i can't say and i can't tell you just yet; i whisper to myself
because this life; it's not mine to plan. never was, never will be.
I've learned it the hard way, and am not going to fall back into the old style me.
Its not that i do not have a direction in life, i do (sort of). Just that, i no longer have anything carved on stone. In fact, i no longer do any carving.
..Dreams, i have plenty. Plans, i have virtually none.

This may probably not be the healthiest way of living, but i think its best now for me to take a step at a time. See how things turn out and march along. With baby steps, falling won't be that painful would it?

It is terrifying to not know; but i am comforted to know that He is watching over me, every single step of the way :)

So hit me with the new year resolutions, this is what you most probably will get :)
"Start a Jane Austen book club; learn to make good wine; and maybe start a poker night with the boys (or girls)? Care to join me?"

Have a pleasant new year, world :)

have a great life, you :)

Love them and hate them.

I am vain, i know that and most people know that :D

Jane Austen once wrote;
"Vanity and pride are two different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us."

That is why i love Jane Austen; not only does she come from the 18th Century England, she writes very prettily! :) She had a good mind, really. Wrote aesthetically, and i totally adore her command of the Queen's English.

When i start my Jane Austen book club, this shall be the one of the many discussion we'll be having. Care to join me, anyone?

"Is not general incivility the very essence of love?" Jane Austen.

I'd love to have my very own Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, who doesn't ehh? :)
Having said that, we must know that before our very own Mr. Darcy charms and sweeps our feet off the ground (to the land of happily ever after :p).
He must first arrogantly declare how insanely common we look to him. And we must then detest the very sight of him.
"She's tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me." He exclaimed of her.

Which reminds me of what mom used to warn me about; how sworn enemies who despise each other's gut and can barely tolerate the sight of the other ending up marrying (and living happily ever after, :p)

Ahh, perhaps i am on the right path to my very own Mr. Darcy :)
Go make more of them enemies? Haha.
Hate them and love them, ey?

..i'll surely miss you. be safe.

Thoughts of a dreamer.

Even as a child; I imagine myself an older lady, seated by a lovely window pane facing the West. The beautiful rays streaming in. My dog slouched by the side, and is glowing with the perfect hue that is flowing through the room. I am reading a book, while sipping steaming tea. Pausing; as steam fog up my reading glass, i think back to the present.

Yes, i see my current life as past tense! With my imagination, i should have no problem persuading myself this is all make believe. But for a fact, i am living in a farm basking at my previous eventfully fulfilling life.

Perhaps, this is why i have a cottage by the farm dream i'd like to fulfill. Probably why, i am trying really hard for my life to mean something, something worth basking in.

You're probably thinking, she's such a freak by now huh?

Fun fact.
I love lists. to do lists. I have plenty. They come in different forms; physically tangible (read: post its), electronically written, but mostly mentally noted. There is even a list that reads; churn out a to do list soonish.

Here's one;
(the shorter version)

Start a book club! :)
(we'll read Austen, Picoult and the occasional Ahern)

Appreciate fermented grapes.
Learn everything there is to know about wine, ;) a wine cellar at the basement of my new home! Now, how lovely does that sound?

The American dream. I have dreams, plenty of them! Some, should be left where it belongs. as a dream.

Am experiencing slight Cognitive dissonance at the moment; please pardon my incoherent thoughts. Shall return when they are sorted out.

i wonder what goes on in that head of yours.