Thoughts of a dreamer.

Even as a child; I imagine myself an older lady, seated by a lovely window pane facing the West. The beautiful rays streaming in. My dog slouched by the side, and is glowing with the perfect hue that is flowing through the room. I am reading a book, while sipping steaming tea. Pausing; as steam fog up my reading glass, i think back to the present.

Yes, i see my current life as past tense! With my imagination, i should have no problem persuading myself this is all make believe. But for a fact, i am living in a farm basking at my previous eventfully fulfilling life.

Perhaps, this is why i have a cottage by the farm dream i'd like to fulfill. Probably why, i am trying really hard for my life to mean something, something worth basking in.

You're probably thinking, she's such a freak by now huh?

Fun fact.
I love lists. to do lists. I have plenty. They come in different forms; physically tangible (read: post its), electronically written, but mostly mentally noted. There is even a list that reads; churn out a to do list soonish.

Here's one;
(the shorter version)

Start a book club! :)
(we'll read Austen, Picoult and the occasional Ahern)

Appreciate fermented grapes.
Learn everything there is to know about wine, ;) a wine cellar at the basement of my new home! Now, how lovely does that sound?

The American dream. I have dreams, plenty of them! Some, should be left where it belongs. as a dream.

Am experiencing slight Cognitive dissonance at the moment; please pardon my incoherent thoughts. Shall return when they are sorted out.

i wonder what goes on in that head of yours.

The gifted ones.

This certainly is the most productive week i have had since Hong Kong/Macao (ilhkm'09). Apart from spending significantly less time watching reruns, dozing off, and lazing my day away; i am eating plenty and constantly holding boys down (i can explain myself, haha) :)

I have scars to prove my productive week! Haha. Boys are generally more active, hence my constantly holding boys down. Beanie and i can spend hours relating interesting observations. Each special one has a story to tell. In the next couple paragraphs; i shall dedicate a line or two for each special one who has left even the slightest impinge upon my life. Despite the very short time i had with them, they were a handful of memories :)
(having these many boys in my life, that's a first! ahh, there's no need for awkward hand holding scenarios, they are perfectly comfortable linking hands with me. Haha. :p)

The destructive one is such a cutie; a girl's gotta fall for a bad boy at least once in her life. The heart breaker kid, i call him. He aims for the flesh, and leaves you with a scar to remember him by (at least till he sees you next :p). A contagious laugh he has. With that face of his; how can i stay angry at him, even if he just activated my pain receptors and left me with a scar? =)

The one with pianist fingers; those long lanky fingers of his. Barely eats, and has a corner he calls his own. Stand by him, and he'll lace his fingers between yours. :) Talk to him, and receive a vibrant smile. (aww, it is heartwarming receiving such a genuine smile).

The extremely active one; constantly smiling-laughing and asking for hugs and lifts. Fortunately for me, he's relatively feather weight. :) Felicity. Full of energy. Keep him within sight, for he'll slip away for a bath if you're not watching.

The Taiwanese star lookalike; a much loyal fan of mine who calls me Chai Yi Ling. He's well versed with the entertainment industry, he'll have a movie star (or many stars) in mind just for you :) Apparently, he's not very consistent in his name giving except for calling me Chai Yi Ling since Monday. Hides his face whenever i look his way, seems he's shy in the midst of Yi Ling (what he calls me sometimes, haha). Ah, did i mention he wanted to marry me already? :D

Beanie's boyfriend; has a good looking face. It is no wonder, Beanie likes him! :) He knows things; it is beyond this human's (me) mind. It is amazing, the stuff he figures out. Stares at the clock, and knows exactly when his ride is to arrive. Beanie, just so you know; i approve of him :) Haha.

The basketball star in the making; excellent basketball skills. Appears passively shy, (maybe i seem too actively forward to him. this time, it's definitely my problem, haha). He'll survive great, i know so. Who wouldn't love a basketballer, eh? Haha.

(i am capable of writing a line or two for each and every child i came in contact with; but i shall stop here for the day. I wouldn't want to bore my few readers. this will be continued. my (10 month) journey begins!)

The innocence of a child is priceless! A constant reminder for the regular (boring) homosapians, like you and me; to take pleasure in the simple joys in life and be thankful for the little blessings we receive daily :) Watch them, and it'll make you yearn to pry open their heads, just to admire their unique brain function magnificently. Surely, they were wired up with equal (if not more) meticulousness by my Beyond Awesome Father. I cannot tell you how wonderfully they decipher the outside world. Perhaps, one day i may be able to obtain a slightly better idea? Do not for one second, underestimate their amazing capabilities. Some call it; sharp instincts. I call it; a gift from from the Father.

Ahh, a productive week it was for me indeed :)

I still need to get my ducks in a row, soonish. Time is really running short, i have now less than a month's time. I dread the 5th. :(

On a totally frivolous (and unrelated) note; i found la perfecto songs for my wedding. :) Who would have guessed? From the genius of an Italian composer! Coolness. :D
(When i told mami, she said to find a groom first. Lol.)

PS. The Ugly Truth finally made its way to the-small-town-mall; which so happen sits 'bout half-a-mile from my doorstep. *coolness.

you said you'll be there; perhaps you need to be there significantly. ahh, we'll see. as for now, dawn.

Once upon a time.

When i was quite abit younger; i remember being fully convinced the best and steadiest option headed towards happily ever after is non other than an arranged marriage. That was the plan. Hahaha! Laugh all you want, i was convicted alright :D. I had my reasons, you see. I thought (key word: i thought) wouldn't it be wonderful if i could skip through the whole enchilada; the dramatic release of phenylethylamine, dopamine, norepinephrine, and any other neurotransmitters triggered by the perception of falling in love, followed by the possibility of an arrhythmia whenever you see the other half, and then comes the probability of a broken heart. So, assisted by naivety and ignorance on this whole concept then, i thought the plan viable.
Great, now i sound like a cynical misanthrope who strongly rebukes the idea of love :p
(hey, a good argument always presents both sides of the story eh? :p).

Moment of realization: You find out, arranged marriage isn't the key. :( I've heard, the worst part about loving someone is seeing them love someone else. Unrequited love, eh? Powerful. Drives people insane at times; might even end up a nincompoop doing foolish gestures (and live to regret it, haha).
I sense i've been skeptical enough, time for some shiny and ever after thoughts :)

I love weddings. Really. Love it even more when my friends marry. :)
A very important man in my life told me this just the other day;
"Looking at where your life is headed for right now, you're probably not going to marry anytime soon"
(i don't have that many important man in my life, so i guess concealing his identity isn't crucial huh? go figure. Hahaha)

Fun fact:
Number 1
Did you know i wanted to get married at 21? LOL. :)
Number 2
I am in search for my Christian Jewish Italian chef with a cool last name! :)
A girl's gotta have her moment rite? In my case, a shallow idea of a dreamguy. Lol. Apparently my dreamguy is a 'lil too specific. What are the odds of me finding a Christian Jewish Italian chef lah? let alone with a cool last name. :)

Having said all these; clearly i had way more cynically skeptical thoughts than bright and shiny ones :P
I still am hopeful. I do look forward to the life after :) The wedding is nice (i hear the wedding preparations can freak you out a 'lil, haha), but the best is yet to come, isn't it?
Cheerio, to weddings! and here's another, to the life after :)
(can't wait for the two weddings of two important lovely ladies in my life! :D)

"Every woman has the exact love life she wants" (Mercer, 2005)
Mercer from the fame of "Wedding Date" (my background movie for the day)

Ahh, one last thought;
Happily Ever After; is so Once upon a time.

'nuff nonsense for the day; Pride and Prejudice with some tea and snickerdoodles anyone? :)

snickerdoodling (at first attempt) :)

all that's needed is hope, you say. keep breathing. soldier on. it'll come to you.

When i hug you;

(please refrain from completing the When i hug you statement with the following paragraph, haha! Had to add this disclaimer because it just doesn't sound right when you put them both. LOL! Nope, i have not gone bad yet!)
Food poisoning happened *sigh* The (current; papi, mami and i) entire family was inflicted by this vile nasty viral. Bound to a horizontal position for two whole days; i even forgot how to fight off standing up feeling dizzy! Haha. Akhirnya, i didn't get to go visit Beanie Thursday or make it to Seremban for the highly anticipated Fabulous girlfriends weekend getaway :(
*but, all is well now. Thank God! :)

Cia came back Friday during lunch time; papi had a meeting so the both of us waited for him at a coffee place. There were some (attempted) studying going on, ;p In the midst of Root Beer float, Xi Mut milk tea, plenty of literature material scattered across the table, and pencils stolen from the next table; Cia presented me with five methods of expressing love to a fellow human being.
touch, gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of services.
She wanted me to rank them, as i saw fit (in my world!)

Here's what i thought;
Touch (more like, Hugs :D)
(if there was a Saying I Love You, it would have shared the first spot-honor with touch (hugs) :p)
Quality Time (i love one to one catch ups with those special certain ones!)
Words of Affirmation
Gifts
Acts of Services
(If you're reading this entry, and have a couple minutes at hand. Share with me how would your list look like :))

Cia knew which was my first choice right from the beginning :) *who wouldn't? haha! If you know me well, you'll know i'm very fond of hugs, :D
(point of clarification: i do not go around hugging just about anyone! i have certain people i love giving hugs to :))

(now you may; compliment the When i hug you statement with what comes after :p)
.. i am physically saying i love you :)

On a frivolous note;
Of Olive, Russell, Bacon; and Mummy (Princess!) :)) Please don't get stolen (again).

I am convinced. The number six neighbor stole Russell and Bacon. They did; i know they did. No wonder Princess led me to them. They were even (hushhush) whispering when i walked by their house. Our suspicion were substantiated when (hours later) Russell and Bacon came back from that direction. Haha! Okay, i have to admit i was being a little dramatic here. :)

Tapi, i really thought i lost them :'( Seriously. How could those ruthless neighbors steal them away? Olive was so mellowed down without his brothers!
(Olive now sleeps in the porch :D He's the favorite, and he knows it!)
They make me very happy :)) Their way of showing affection is by jumping at my leg while trying to scrape/bite my skin off (x three). Haha.
(the unemployed has got to find some companion rite? heh.)

up and beyond; with you :)

I am losing it;

the ability to fall asleep in an instant.

i reasoned that it maybe due to the fact i have been under utilizing energy lately; hence i do not need much sleep. Am not matriculating myself enough to require much REM, perhaps? Or i could just be losing it :(

Since sleep is eluding me (right this moment), i decided to talk to myself here. Considering most people (those who would actually talk to me, haha!) left for dreamland or is otherwise engaged to be bothered with my nonsensical drama. :(

I just thought it'll be interesting (self interest here, as it'll be totally useless information to others, Lol. :D) for me to list down the little things i enjoy in life! *well, at least ones i can think of right now :)

I LOVE;

semi colons; aren't they just pretty and mysterious? its like i'm almost done making a statement, but am not quite at the punchline yet :)

hugs; i picked up the habit later than i would have wanted to, but mastered it while in Bemidji! xx.

Calvin and Hobbes; and i still wish they manufacture life-size Hobbes! Hmm, i take that back. Any size would do (desperate situation calls for desperate transformation of wishes, haha!) I'd buy a dozen (at least :p). When i get my dog, i might name it Hobbes (although Hobbes is a modeled after feline, Lol.).
*I like being reminded of this adorable duo ;) Not many things can beat the brilliance of Calvin and Hobbes! *hugee grin here* :D

dogs; (okay, i know huge dogs do not necessarily fall under the categorization of little things , :p) Did i mentioned that i saved a little puppy from the drain just the other day? *happiness* he was soo pretty =)
*i found out the mum and his other two siblings now live across the street from me; i'm going to go buy them some food :p Mami says i can't even afford to feed myself, and now dogs? Haha.

even Cia thinks he's adorable :)
i think i'm going to call it baby Russell.

tea; milk tea to be exact :) i doubt i'll ever get tired of drinking 珍珠奶茶, haha! If milk tea isn't available, any form of tea works as well!

cherry tomatoes; what more can i say? Who doesn't love to munch on juicy and crunchy cherry tomatoes on a lazy afternoon? =)

the idea of a farmland; a little cottage house (a comfortable chair by the window facing the west.), a pretty garden with bright colorful flowers, an oak tree, a huge dog, and of course at least one cow. All these by the countryside in Italy. Lovely :)

happy, shiny and bright smiles (of people and colors) =) Smiles are pretty contagious! Keep smiling, for it'll go a mile :)

a beautiful mind (brain); i am in awe every time i am reminded of how meticulous and thoughtful He was while wiring us up. Its brilliantly amazing! :)
*right, this isn't particularly a little thing either, haha.

These are all the little things (some way bigger than little :p) i can think of right now without getting off topic too often, Lol! Well, at least i still am prone to being random (although being random is hardly consider a skill, haha :p)

you, i don't know? perhaps, i do. :)

If only; and a new 단짝친구 :)

If only does not make any sense, in my world. It reeks of regret, uncertainty, and is clearly hypothetical.

Some go on and on about how, If only something had happened, they would be able to do this great and best thing they had in mind. If only is just make believe. :)

In the world of Research Methods; If only can be in the likes of a Reactive Measure, where the very act of measuring that variable changes the variable itself. Reason being, each time If only is used in a statement, it is (almost) always said with knowledge of what has already happened (which coincides with If only not! if you get my drift, :p !). How then, is it fair to say you would have done a certain action if whatever has happened didn't happen? Do you really think, in all certainty you would have done otherwise? Seriously, do you really?

I could go on, but i probably shouldn't. In fact, i probably shouldn't further confuse any readers i may have :) with my explanation as to why If only does not exist in my world. Sleep deprivation happened, mind isn't at its best this evening ;) Maybe later!

edited at a later time. the (maybe later) addition. Haha! i don't give up, do i? ;p

Have you ever heard a male (no gender bias intended here ;p) say "If i was a girl, i already have in mind a couple of items i would buy" or the likes?" I told him, you think? For if he really was a girl, he would not be influenced by all the years of his guyish firing of neurons (which was what led to his statement of "if i was a girl"). If you were a girl, everything will be different. More than you can imagine :)

*think, a chain reaction. Each time my path crosses with another amazing child of God on this earthly journey, i truly thank the Father for all the decisions we both had to make to reach this (meeting each other) juncture. :) It is always exciting to know, we have a Beyond Awesome Father in common eh?

Ergo, my position on If only, stands as it does not (really) exists.

Having said all these, i still like the song "If i were a boy", love the music video even more. Hah. *and she goes on to negate her firm stand on the existence of If only.

end of (maybe later) addition.

***
On a more frivolous note :) I have a new best friend! She's the most adorable 8 year old MK, who's now my 단짝친구 (dan jjak ching gu; best friend in Korean). The Moon family shifted to Malaysia (Penang, to be exact) last December. Without knowing much English, they still made their way to this foreign-Malay-speaking-Malaysia. It clearly shows they came with the Father. :) *i must make my way to Penang to visit them.

I first met them at the Vietnamese gathering Saturday, hence making it more like a Vietnamese-Korean meeting. :) It just gave me the most heart warming feeling! When Christine shared how she came to know Christ, and later when David (who looks like Bae Yong-joon, seriously) sang a Korean worship song. Then, the Vietnamese joined in. Singing together in their own language, praising the one Father we all share. *awwww :)

Dr Henry brought with him Dr Huang, a master in martial arts who used his skills and knowledge along with prayer and discernment from the Father to heal the sick. *a hint of his skill; it involves needles and then some twisting. Haha. (sorry, it sounded so sadistic to be laughing eh? ;p) Dr Huang said i have a healthy and strong heartbeat, and i didn't require treatment :) Woohoo. Must be the tennis and my recent healthy activities!

This morning my 단짝친구 gave me an ultimatum, either i go back with her to Penang now or never. "I'm not going to let you in my house", says she. Each time i tried to convince her i would go see her soonish. She said, Nooo! you are coming back to Penang with me today! She tells me the most adorable things, she is (too) smart for her age. She kindda reminds me of Calvin :) (of my favorite Calvin and Hobbes :p)

Here's to emphasize my claim on her smartness :)
She told papi, if i were to go back to Penang with her, "You could have auntie all to yourself" LOL. *doesn't she sound Calvinish? :p

introducing my 단짝친구 Gracie :)
as much as kids zap all your energy, i miss her already :(

"For your height, you could be eleven!" says she.
a child's honesty is most refreshing. :)

The lovely MKs; Gracie and Ju-an :)

PS. MK stands for Missionary Kid :)

..there is a reason why, Teardrops on my guitar is bending my hair cells so often lately. hmm.