Exactly how many are there?
Shades of grey.
It isn't just black and white,
it never was.
and never will be.
In fact,
the shades of grey multiplies.
.. as you struggle along life's journey.
(i hope i didn't sound that vague,
grey is (sortof) a euphemism for something-life)
Showing posts with label cerebration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cerebration. Show all posts
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Preparation.
first entry for the year; and i wanted it to be something well worth mentioning! This is why i was holding out on this, i wanted it to be significant. Before this year arrived, i couldn't say i was anticipating it with much excitement, neither can i right now. Being all set for His way does not equate actually being excited for it, does it? Or should it? Theoretically, maybe. Well, now that is the fuzzy part isn't it? (at least for me)
A girl can attempt to be ready for her uncertainty in life; yet she does not have to be excited about it! A girl can prepare herself for anything; yet it shocks the life out of her when it really comes to pass. Who actually does it correctly when preparing for the arrival of the emotion, the reaction, the actual event? It almost always turn out totally different. No matter how much time and effort you invested to train that mind to react.
Who prepares for a death? Even if they knew well ahead when was the ETA on going home. Who gets ready for the breakup when you're holding on tightly to all those excessive chemical release, being in love and all.
Oh dear, morbid thoughts. My supposed well worth mentioning thoughts. I guess, this year brought back memories of last year! And have you ever realized how tough it is to forget something you don't really want to remember? It always seem like, the harder you tried to erase it, the stronger it sticks onto you!
So there, my thoughts for the new year. My conclusion for now; one cannot truly be ready ready for something that isn't here yet. Hypothetical isn't real. It is not supposed to be, real. Perhaps, when it is here already, you can then decide to be ready for it. But before it happens, stay put.
(note: thoughts may appear to be a little confusing because maybe it is a little messed up)
On an unrelated note. For the new year, i cut my hair (real short) and found myself a new American series to be addicted to, the series called Life. I love it. He reminds me of someone i know very well. I like his sense of logic and rationale. Charming.
Shall return soon.
A girl can attempt to be ready for her uncertainty in life; yet she does not have to be excited about it! A girl can prepare herself for anything; yet it shocks the life out of her when it really comes to pass. Who actually does it correctly when preparing for the arrival of the emotion, the reaction, the actual event? It almost always turn out totally different. No matter how much time and effort you invested to train that mind to react.
Who prepares for a death? Even if they knew well ahead when was the ETA on going home. Who gets ready for the breakup when you're holding on tightly to all those excessive chemical release, being in love and all.
Oh dear, morbid thoughts. My supposed well worth mentioning thoughts. I guess, this year brought back memories of last year! And have you ever realized how tough it is to forget something you don't really want to remember? It always seem like, the harder you tried to erase it, the stronger it sticks onto you!
So there, my thoughts for the new year. My conclusion for now; one cannot truly be ready ready for something that isn't here yet. Hypothetical isn't real. It is not supposed to be, real. Perhaps, when it is here already, you can then decide to be ready for it. But before it happens, stay put.
(note: thoughts may appear to be a little confusing because maybe it is a little messed up)
On an unrelated note. For the new year, i cut my hair (real short) and found myself a new American series to be addicted to, the series called Life. I love it. He reminds me of someone i know very well. I like his sense of logic and rationale. Charming.
Shall return soon.
Monday, November 23, 2009
I'll pray for you, you say; but do we really?
"I'll be praying for you!"
I bet you've uttered that statement countless times; it could even be a reflex reply we blurt out whenever we converse with a fellow believer. Justify it all you want, but do we really mean what we just promised?
Prayer, is an honorable privilege. You converse with the Father, and the upside of it all (whatever is said, all in confidence :p). Plus, you tell it to the best of them all; who else needs to know but Him ehh? Yet, we take it for granted. More frequently we begin to only fervently pray when things start heading downhill; when we are in desperate need of certainty! Afterall, desperate situation calls for desperate measures, hey?
I have a mental prayer list (yes, i am obsessed with lists :p)! When you're on it, i'll pray for you whenever possible (most likely not enough, but i try). :) You'd usually make the list, when i love you so dearly i'd want the best for you! =)
*once you begin praying for someone, know that things will happen. things will change. For whenever we ask for His will be done, it may include drastic measures. keep praying.fervently.
(this i'll elaborate on another time)
The first time i left the dogs home alone overnight; i was so very worried! Worst case scenarios flooded my thoughts; didn't help that my neighbor was cleaning his shotgun (yup, you read right. his shotgun) in his garden just as we were leaving the house. I tell you, i whispered so many prayers for my kid puppies! So many. Knowing they were kindda helpless in self defense terrified me, entirely. You must know i love my puppies exceedingly! Yet, i love the people on my prayer list on a whole different level.
Shouldn't i then be praying harder for them instead, i caught myself asking.
Perhaps, knowing a human being isn't entirely helpless given most situation tends to lessen the urgency of prayer for them. I don't think the Father condone of my justification, yet i needed one to make myself feel better. (sigh)
Pray, i must sincerely. most ardently. For each and everyone on that list of mine! For His will be done. No matter what happens in the process, i ask for His will in your life. Know that i'm here, whenever you need me.
I tucked away Mark 11:24-25 for a lonng time till yesterday! Shame, it used to be a favorite. I'm glad i was reminded, Papi did the reminding in fact :) And i thank you =)
Mark 11:24-25
24 Therefore i tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.
I have so much in my mind right now, but i'll leave it to the them neurons to compartmentalized them before i share it here. :)
There's more about prayer, even Jane Austen, stillness, but most of all; you.
(its going to be another all-nighter for me then! yay?!)
..take heart my dear ones.
I bet you've uttered that statement countless times; it could even be a reflex reply we blurt out whenever we converse with a fellow believer. Justify it all you want, but do we really mean what we just promised?
Prayer, is an honorable privilege. You converse with the Father, and the upside of it all (whatever is said, all in confidence :p). Plus, you tell it to the best of them all; who else needs to know but Him ehh? Yet, we take it for granted. More frequently we begin to only fervently pray when things start heading downhill; when we are in desperate need of certainty! Afterall, desperate situation calls for desperate measures, hey?
I have a mental prayer list (yes, i am obsessed with lists :p)! When you're on it, i'll pray for you whenever possible (most likely not enough, but i try). :) You'd usually make the list, when i love you so dearly i'd want the best for you! =)
*once you begin praying for someone, know that things will happen. things will change. For whenever we ask for His will be done, it may include drastic measures. keep praying.fervently.
(this i'll elaborate on another time)
The first time i left the dogs home alone overnight; i was so very worried! Worst case scenarios flooded my thoughts; didn't help that my neighbor was cleaning his shotgun (yup, you read right. his shotgun) in his garden just as we were leaving the house. I tell you, i whispered so many prayers for my kid puppies! So many. Knowing they were kindda helpless in self defense terrified me, entirely. You must know i love my puppies exceedingly! Yet, i love the people on my prayer list on a whole different level.
Shouldn't i then be praying harder for them instead, i caught myself asking.
Perhaps, knowing a human being isn't entirely helpless given most situation tends to lessen the urgency of prayer for them. I don't think the Father condone of my justification, yet i needed one to make myself feel better. (sigh)
Pray, i must sincerely. most ardently. For each and everyone on that list of mine! For His will be done. No matter what happens in the process, i ask for His will in your life. Know that i'm here, whenever you need me.
I tucked away Mark 11:24-25 for a lonng time till yesterday! Shame, it used to be a favorite. I'm glad i was reminded, Papi did the reminding in fact :) And i thank you =)
Mark 11:24-25
24 Therefore i tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.
I have so much in my mind right now, but i'll leave it to the them neurons to compartmentalized them before i share it here. :)
There's more about prayer, even Jane Austen, stillness, but most of all; you.
(its going to be another all-nighter for me then! yay?!)
..take heart my dear ones.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Cerebration; just when.
delta waves begin eluding me.
words fail to succinctly represent what's left.
sitting in the dark freaking out,
figuring why three times a charm?
you find comfort in solitude.
(if you do not even enjoy your own company to begin with; can you really blame others for not?)
Ahh, for such a day like this.
just a thought, :)
here's one for for the nerves. you'll be more than fine, i know so =)
words fail to succinctly represent what's left.
sitting in the dark freaking out,
figuring why three times a charm?
you find comfort in solitude.
(if you do not even enjoy your own company to begin with; can you really blame others for not?)
Ahh, for such a day like this.
just a thought, :)
here's one for for the nerves. you'll be more than fine, i know so =)
Friday, September 4, 2009
My phobic reaction.
An intense irrational fear of a living organism (lizards, in my case!); they call it a phobia. I am extremely terrified of it (it shall not be name again, it does not deserve a second mention, haha!). Right, perhaps there is also some form of hatred towards it (with a true passion :p). Seriously, it has a paralyzing effect on me, Lol! The house is so full of it, and it(s) are huge! When i see it around the house, i normally greet it with a scream and the physiological changes of a flight response (most definitely not the fight response =S). I am very mindful of it(s), i know where it's regular hideouts are (but it does surprise me more than occasionally, haha!). Papi knows when i'm headed for the kitchen; cause i warn it(s) i'm coming! *knocks the refrigerator.knocks the table.kicks the cupboard door under the sink.wait 5 seconds (that is plenty of time to flee the scene, it! scram.)* Even with clear auditory signal of my arrival for it; it still manages to chase me out of the kitchen before i complete my task back there. Haha!
*just in case, you're currently confused as to what it is :p It refers to the creature i am terrified of, (she still refuses to mention it's name again, haha!)
I am not talking about it, just for the fun of it. Why would i right? For i hate it(s) with a passion. My main point was actually, phobia itself! You do not want to know how many worst case scenarios i've managed to come up with, concerning it. Even imaginary; it still get to me, real bad. Somehow i'm going attempt to draw a connection between phobia and the uncertain future.
Based on the definition of a phobia, wouldn't it be appropriate to conclude that a constant worrying (at times, fearing) for the future is indeed a phobic reaction. We've been told over and over, we're not to worry about the future. We're constantly reminded we're in His hands. You could never ask for a better hand (for there isn't one :p).
Take the gospel of Matthew, it says plenty about not worrying. :) *why aren't we convicted yet?
Matthew 6:25-33 says;
25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
What does worrying add to our lives anyway? Only brings about fear. An irrational (could sometimes turn pretty intense) fear for the future; even when we clearly know who holds the future. Uncertainty is scary, no doubts about that! I know it perfectly well, as all i see now is uncertainty :D I thank God for the days when no such worrying occurs; but on days when i'm down in the shithole (pardon my french), it is never easy. (a little disclaimer here!) Of course, i'm not suggesting we should just sit back and do zilch! You know, since it was written, we are not worry about anything! I would say, that is more like being indifferent. Fully trusting and relying on my beyond awesome Father shan't be confused with being indifferent.
Contrary to popular belief, i have more than lazing to do during this phase in my life :) Just thought i should make that clear, Haha. Two months from today; is a day i'm part looking forward to and part dreading. :D
*a part of me for a part of you. sleep is still eluding me, a conundrum you truly are. :(
*just in case, you're currently confused as to what it is :p It refers to the creature i am terrified of, (she still refuses to mention it's name again, haha!)
I am not talking about it, just for the fun of it. Why would i right? For i hate it(s) with a passion. My main point was actually, phobia itself! You do not want to know how many worst case scenarios i've managed to come up with, concerning it. Even imaginary; it still get to me, real bad. Somehow i'm going attempt to draw a connection between phobia and the uncertain future.
Based on the definition of a phobia, wouldn't it be appropriate to conclude that a constant worrying (at times, fearing) for the future is indeed a phobic reaction. We've been told over and over, we're not to worry about the future. We're constantly reminded we're in His hands. You could never ask for a better hand (for there isn't one :p).
Take the gospel of Matthew, it says plenty about not worrying. :) *why aren't we convicted yet?
Matthew 6:25-33 says;
25 “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
28 “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; 29 and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
What does worrying add to our lives anyway? Only brings about fear. An irrational (could sometimes turn pretty intense) fear for the future; even when we clearly know who holds the future. Uncertainty is scary, no doubts about that! I know it perfectly well, as all i see now is uncertainty :D I thank God for the days when no such worrying occurs; but on days when i'm down in the shithole (pardon my french), it is never easy. (a little disclaimer here!) Of course, i'm not suggesting we should just sit back and do zilch! You know, since it was written, we are not worry about anything! I would say, that is more like being indifferent. Fully trusting and relying on my beyond awesome Father shan't be confused with being indifferent.
Contrary to popular belief, i have more than lazing to do during this phase in my life :) Just thought i should make that clear, Haha. Two months from today; is a day i'm part looking forward to and part dreading. :D
*a part of me for a part of you. sleep is still eluding me, a conundrum you truly are. :(
Friday, July 10, 2009
At times; it slips through.
but He reminds.
And i begin to wonder, why do i need such constant reminding; (be it from self, or my loved one or from the Father Himself)? This is why my friend, good habits seldom last while the nasty ones stay for good. Fine, i know i shouldn't be generalizing on all kinds of habits, tapi it seems to follow this particular pattern. For when it involves my Father. It tends to slip, all the time in fact.
How many times have we been reminded that we should not worry and freak out when something didn't go as plan? and that we should always always trust in the Father? We all know we should trust in Him, its basic head knowledge as a child. Yet, when trouble really comes knocking on our door, we tend to start panicking, being dramatic, going hysterical even within moments! Only to realized at the end of the day, everything worked out well =) B.E.A.U-tifully in fact! (*We refers to elaine.tan here ;p)
If only we had the courage to pause. reflect. ponder. trust in Him. For i believe it takes much courage to not panic. not be dramatic. not go hysterical. I am ashamed to admit that i myself panic really quickly, only to later realized (this is after my bout of dramatic hysteria, mind you ;p)
Elaine Tan, what can hysteria do to make your problems go away? You're just being dramatic!
A scenario of a dramatic hysteria i had.
Here's how the story goes;
Sometime last year, i was scheduled for a standardized (i detest this test then, and still do! haha) computerized (key word. computerized test) exam one morning. The night before, i was even telling mami i do not think i can make it, but i managed to convince myself all that matters was His plans for me. Nothing else mattered, if the Father says no, its a no kan? Therefore, based on my realization and theory, i should have nothing to worry about, kan?
Little did i know, what was to happen on exam day. Haha (i can laugh now, when i think back ;p). How i wish i could have laugh then, and then just look up to Him smiling ;))
Came test day.
Woke up with several bundles of nerves! woahh. I was jittery the whole journey to the test center, haha. I was reminding myself, For His reasons, thats all that matters. I was convicted.
When i got there, first thing i noticed was "Ehh? Kenapa gelap-nya? (why so dark?)" I made my way to the testing area, only to have a lady asking me if i was here for a test. What happened seconds later was epic. LOL. Seriously, i literally went hysterical.
;) Hahaha. Poor mami had to try calming me down while still trying to figure out what happened.
The lady informed me, there was a power failure *already gasping for air at this juncture* Telling me this was the first ever power cut did not help at all. Wahhh. All those convictions i had while on the bus/train all went through the window at that moment.
You see, i had to take the test that day in order to make it for the deadlines. I knew i didn't have time to reschedule. Knowing that you normally have to book it months before hand freaked me out worst.
After they confirmed there was NO way the power was coming back that day, they sent us home. I was devastated. Almost immediately, negativity came by. Stayed for quite a bit. I was walking out, and right in the front of XXX Hotel, i burst out crying (i should also note that the trigger was mami's voice, haha.) She called. I cried so hard, telling her maybe this was God's way of saying NOO!! I'm quite sure it wasn't a pretty sight; as i could see from the corner of my eyes, two hotel employees hesitant, and contemplating if they should approach this hysterical girl. HAHAHA! Talk about being dramatically hysterical ;)
Then, mami reminded me; so did the Father later.
Needless to say, everything worked out well =) my test got rescheduled. I made it for those deadlines. Isn't He just amazing? ;) If the Father is on our side, who can be against us eh?
(waiit, my story hasn't ended yet! ;p there's a part two.)
Came rescheduled test day.
4 minutes before the test was over. *all went dark* Can you imagine that? Power failure! LOL. My four hour exam, and the power had to go off 4 minutes before i was done. Great timing, isn't it? ;)
Guess what? This time, i looked up (literally) and smiled ;)) There wasn't a bit hysteria in me. *gladness* I was rather calm (as compared to the other test takers.) The only thing i dreaded was if i had to retake the whole four hour exam again *that definitely could induce a faint ;p* Well, it had on the auto save function, nasib baik i didn't have to take it all over again ;) All was well the second time round, almost as if He was testing me to make sure i meant it this time round =)
Still, it is disturbing how easy i tend forget, and how constant i need reminding. =( But i'm truly glad He still reminds me (even after countless dramatic hysterias i've had :( am not particularly proud of this fact :S)
Note to self:
When He reminds, remember (for as long as your mind can retain). Store it in your Long Term Memory, but still keep it running in the Working Memory as well okay, Elaine Tan?
You reminded me, and we remember.
And i begin to wonder, why do i need such constant reminding; (be it from self, or my loved one or from the Father Himself)? This is why my friend, good habits seldom last while the nasty ones stay for good. Fine, i know i shouldn't be generalizing on all kinds of habits, tapi it seems to follow this particular pattern. For when it involves my Father. It tends to slip, all the time in fact.
How many times have we been reminded that we should not worry and freak out when something didn't go as plan? and that we should always always trust in the Father? We all know we should trust in Him, its basic head knowledge as a child. Yet, when trouble really comes knocking on our door, we tend to start panicking, being dramatic, going hysterical even within moments! Only to realized at the end of the day, everything worked out well =) B.E.A.U-tifully in fact! (*We refers to elaine.tan here ;p)
If only we had the courage to pause. reflect. ponder. trust in Him. For i believe it takes much courage to not panic. not be dramatic. not go hysterical. I am ashamed to admit that i myself panic really quickly, only to later realized (this is after my bout of dramatic hysteria, mind you ;p)
Elaine Tan, what can hysteria do to make your problems go away? You're just being dramatic!
A scenario of a dramatic hysteria i had.
Here's how the story goes;
Sometime last year, i was scheduled for a standardized (i detest this test then, and still do! haha) computerized (key word. computerized test) exam one morning. The night before, i was even telling mami i do not think i can make it, but i managed to convince myself all that matters was His plans for me. Nothing else mattered, if the Father says no, its a no kan? Therefore, based on my realization and theory, i should have nothing to worry about, kan?
Little did i know, what was to happen on exam day. Haha (i can laugh now, when i think back ;p). How i wish i could have laugh then, and then just look up to Him smiling ;))
Came test day.
Woke up with several bundles of nerves! woahh. I was jittery the whole journey to the test center, haha. I was reminding myself, For His reasons, thats all that matters. I was convicted.
When i got there, first thing i noticed was "Ehh? Kenapa gelap-nya? (why so dark?)" I made my way to the testing area, only to have a lady asking me if i was here for a test. What happened seconds later was epic. LOL. Seriously, i literally went hysterical.
;) Hahaha. Poor mami had to try calming me down while still trying to figure out what happened.
The lady informed me, there was a power failure *already gasping for air at this juncture* Telling me this was the first ever power cut did not help at all. Wahhh. All those convictions i had while on the bus/train all went through the window at that moment.
You see, i had to take the test that day in order to make it for the deadlines. I knew i didn't have time to reschedule. Knowing that you normally have to book it months before hand freaked me out worst.
After they confirmed there was NO way the power was coming back that day, they sent us home. I was devastated. Almost immediately, negativity came by. Stayed for quite a bit. I was walking out, and right in the front of XXX Hotel, i burst out crying (i should also note that the trigger was mami's voice, haha.) She called. I cried so hard, telling her maybe this was God's way of saying NOO!! I'm quite sure it wasn't a pretty sight; as i could see from the corner of my eyes, two hotel employees hesitant, and contemplating if they should approach this hysterical girl. HAHAHA! Talk about being dramatically hysterical ;)
Then, mami reminded me; so did the Father later.
Needless to say, everything worked out well =) my test got rescheduled. I made it for those deadlines. Isn't He just amazing? ;) If the Father is on our side, who can be against us eh?
(waiit, my story hasn't ended yet! ;p there's a part two.)
Came rescheduled test day.
4 minutes before the test was over. *all went dark* Can you imagine that? Power failure! LOL. My four hour exam, and the power had to go off 4 minutes before i was done. Great timing, isn't it? ;)
Guess what? This time, i looked up (literally) and smiled ;)) There wasn't a bit hysteria in me. *gladness* I was rather calm (as compared to the other test takers.) The only thing i dreaded was if i had to retake the whole four hour exam again *that definitely could induce a faint ;p* Well, it had on the auto save function, nasib baik i didn't have to take it all over again ;) All was well the second time round, almost as if He was testing me to make sure i meant it this time round =)
Still, it is disturbing how easy i tend forget, and how constant i need reminding. =( But i'm truly glad He still reminds me (even after countless dramatic hysterias i've had :( am not particularly proud of this fact :S)
Note to self:
When He reminds, remember (for as long as your mind can retain). Store it in your Long Term Memory, but still keep it running in the Working Memory as well okay, Elaine Tan?
You reminded me, and we remember.
Monday, June 22, 2009
In transit; waiting.
Given the current economical standing of the world; people often think i'm totally insane for quitting my job without a plan for the immediate future. Even if some do not convey that message verbally, their micro-expressions says it all (hey, i gotta give credit to the field of study i love eh? ;p). Yet, there are also some who would say i'm lucky to be able to just pack up and leave. I usually just smile, and not bother elaborating further. Only some know.
In all honesty, i'm rather lost right now. I have not the slightest hint of what my immediate future holds and where it lies. This, somehow feels as if i'm in transit. A pretty long one, i might add. I envision myself waiting at the platform, for my train without the schedule. Waiting for His train for me. I do comfort myself saying; at least i'm intending to wait for this train, and not wondering around the platform searching for another plausible destination, an express train perhaps? An express train to the possibility of a dream-like Fall 2010. How wonderful, if i could skip this whole year? How great if i could now know. I would be more than delighted if i knew. Cause if i knew, i'll be able to make plans! Marvelous plans for myself. Wouldn't that just be amazing? The idea of total control over your life is always tempting.
.. then again, this is where my trust in Him steps in. Living a life of faith and faithfulness. In knowing (with conviction that is) that only He holds my future, and He's the author of my life. I'm just a character, playing out the perfect script. :) *Ahh, don't i just love the heart warming peaceful feeling that comes along with the reminder of my Awesome Father! =)*
I did what i did, cause I knew it was time to leave, it was time to take stock. Retrace my steps. Re seek direction. 'What now, Father? What next?'. If you can access the FAQ section of my life, What now? is sure to top the list, no doubts on that.
Having said all these, i pray i do not succumb to the idea of staying in transit for too long a time. Being in transit, is kindda comfortable (i must warn you). When people ask me, 'What are your plans?'; very quickly i can reply 'i'm not sure yet, i have yet to make plans!' Theoretically, i do not need to know yet. Logically, i should not know anything yet. So all is good, when in transit.
There is one thing i take comfort in, and attempt in fulfilling;
I have His plans, and i'm sticking to it no matter what.
Caught in transit may be a great thing; the waiting period isn't wasted period if it was given to God. The children of Israel were caught in transit for 40 years, and were passed up the chance to cross over. I pray i will be given a chance to cross over, and not be left behind. For with a different spirit; Joshua and Caleb, God allowed them to cross over. With that different spirit i want to be, a Joshua. To rise up and to cross over.
Joshua 1:8;
This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.
I should go. Matriculate myself. Plenty of materials to cover before i head off to the land of huge dogs :)
..you can borrow mine; for one day i may need to borrow yours.
In all honesty, i'm rather lost right now. I have not the slightest hint of what my immediate future holds and where it lies. This, somehow feels as if i'm in transit. A pretty long one, i might add. I envision myself waiting at the platform, for my train without the schedule. Waiting for His train for me. I do comfort myself saying; at least i'm intending to wait for this train, and not wondering around the platform searching for another plausible destination, an express train perhaps? An express train to the possibility of a dream-like Fall 2010. How wonderful, if i could skip this whole year? How great if i could now know. I would be more than delighted if i knew. Cause if i knew, i'll be able to make plans! Marvelous plans for myself. Wouldn't that just be amazing? The idea of total control over your life is always tempting.
.. then again, this is where my trust in Him steps in. Living a life of faith and faithfulness. In knowing (with conviction that is) that only He holds my future, and He's the author of my life. I'm just a character, playing out the perfect script. :) *Ahh, don't i just love the heart warming peaceful feeling that comes along with the reminder of my Awesome Father! =)*
I did what i did, cause I knew it was time to leave, it was time to take stock. Retrace my steps. Re seek direction. 'What now, Father? What next?'. If you can access the FAQ section of my life, What now? is sure to top the list, no doubts on that.
Having said all these, i pray i do not succumb to the idea of staying in transit for too long a time. Being in transit, is kindda comfortable (i must warn you). When people ask me, 'What are your plans?'; very quickly i can reply 'i'm not sure yet, i have yet to make plans!' Theoretically, i do not need to know yet. Logically, i should not know anything yet. So all is good, when in transit.
There is one thing i take comfort in, and attempt in fulfilling;
I have His plans, and i'm sticking to it no matter what.
Caught in transit may be a great thing; the waiting period isn't wasted period if it was given to God. The children of Israel were caught in transit for 40 years, and were passed up the chance to cross over. I pray i will be given a chance to cross over, and not be left behind. For with a different spirit; Joshua and Caleb, God allowed them to cross over. With that different spirit i want to be, a Joshua. To rise up and to cross over.
Joshua 1:8;
This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.
I should go. Matriculate myself. Plenty of materials to cover before i head off to the land of huge dogs :)
..you can borrow mine; for one day i may need to borrow yours.
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