Death.

What does it truly mean?

Cause it doesn't quite mean the same to me than it does to the world.

I may not be back home right now, but i still feel your presence at home.

At the randomest moment, it hits me hard.

I'll say to myself; Wait a minute! Where is daddy now?

I have to mentally remind myself what it means. What death means.

I may not be able to see you physically ever again,

but you'll always live through me.

I constantly think of ways i'll be introducing my children to the amazing grandpa they didn't get the opportunity to love.

Please don't fade away, papi-memories. I plead with you. :'(

It hurts.

Why haven't you visited me in my dreams yet?

I want to hug you and say goodbye so badly.

You know how i feel about saying goodbyes, yet i feel i should this time since i'm not sure when will i get to see you again.

Maybe cause i haven't been sleeping much lately. Is that why you haven't drop by yet?

Maybe you have, but i just can't remember.

Why can't i remember? :(

I miss you so much, it hurts bad.

This week was overwhelming, partly cause Monday was one month since.

:'(

Day22.

I wanted a two bedroom apartment, so i'll have space when y'all come visit.

I made my bed up pretty, cause i knew you'd have the bed when you come visit.

I am saving to get a big car, so you'd have more leg room on our road trips.

I should have asked you all the questions i didn't know i wanted to ask.

These questions keep popping up in my mind.

How do i make them go away before they remind me you're no longer in the present? :(

I wish i had been more interested in learning how to cook.

I wish i had thanked you enough for everything you've done.

I wish i hadn't disappointed you as much as i did.

I wish i had told you how much i love you, more frequently.

and I certainly hope i did all i could, to be a good daughter.

On your birthday this year i told you;

Next year this time, we're going on a road trip!

It's going to be destination birthday from next year forth :)

Looks like you have gone ahead and reached your next destination. A final one, in fact.

I bet you're going to tell me - I've scored the coolest destination ever.

PS. It's that day, again. :'(