Thoughts of a dreamer.

Even as a child; I imagine myself an older lady, seated by a lovely window pane facing the West. The beautiful rays streaming in. My dog slouched by the side, and is glowing with the perfect hue that is flowing through the room. I am reading a book, while sipping steaming tea. Pausing; as steam fog up my reading glass, i think back to the present.

Yes, i see my current life as past tense! With my imagination, i should have no problem persuading myself this is all make believe. But for a fact, i am living in a farm basking at my previous eventfully fulfilling life.

Perhaps, this is why i have a cottage by the farm dream i'd like to fulfill. Probably why, i am trying really hard for my life to mean something, something worth basking in.

You're probably thinking, she's such a freak by now huh?

Fun fact.
I love lists. to do lists. I have plenty. They come in different forms; physically tangible (read: post its), electronically written, but mostly mentally noted. There is even a list that reads; churn out a to do list soonish.

Here's one;
(the shorter version)

Start a book club! :)
(we'll read Austen, Picoult and the occasional Ahern)

Appreciate fermented grapes.
Learn everything there is to know about wine, ;) a wine cellar at the basement of my new home! Now, how lovely does that sound?

The American dream. I have dreams, plenty of them! Some, should be left where it belongs. as a dream.

Am experiencing slight Cognitive dissonance at the moment; please pardon my incoherent thoughts. Shall return when they are sorted out.

i wonder what goes on in that head of yours.

Once upon a time.

When i was quite abit younger; i remember being fully convinced the best and steadiest option headed towards happily ever after is non other than an arranged marriage. That was the plan. Hahaha! Laugh all you want, i was convicted alright :D. I had my reasons, you see. I thought (key word: i thought) wouldn't it be wonderful if i could skip through the whole enchilada; the dramatic release of phenylethylamine, dopamine, norepinephrine, and any other neurotransmitters triggered by the perception of falling in love, followed by the possibility of an arrhythmia whenever you see the other half, and then comes the probability of a broken heart. So, assisted by naivety and ignorance on this whole concept then, i thought the plan viable.
Great, now i sound like a cynical misanthrope who strongly rebukes the idea of love :p
(hey, a good argument always presents both sides of the story eh? :p).

Moment of realization: You find out, arranged marriage isn't the key. :( I've heard, the worst part about loving someone is seeing them love someone else. Unrequited love, eh? Powerful. Drives people insane at times; might even end up a nincompoop doing foolish gestures (and live to regret it, haha).
I sense i've been skeptical enough, time for some shiny and ever after thoughts :)

I love weddings. Really. Love it even more when my friends marry. :)
A very important man in my life told me this just the other day;
"Looking at where your life is headed for right now, you're probably not going to marry anytime soon"
(i don't have that many important man in my life, so i guess concealing his identity isn't crucial huh? go figure. Hahaha)

Fun fact:
Number 1
Did you know i wanted to get married at 21? LOL. :)
Number 2
I am in search for my Christian Jewish Italian chef with a cool last name! :)
A girl's gotta have her moment rite? In my case, a shallow idea of a dreamguy. Lol. Apparently my dreamguy is a 'lil too specific. What are the odds of me finding a Christian Jewish Italian chef lah? let alone with a cool last name. :)

Having said all these; clearly i had way more cynically skeptical thoughts than bright and shiny ones :P
I still am hopeful. I do look forward to the life after :) The wedding is nice (i hear the wedding preparations can freak you out a 'lil, haha), but the best is yet to come, isn't it?
Cheerio, to weddings! and here's another, to the life after :)
(can't wait for the two weddings of two important lovely ladies in my life! :D)

"Every woman has the exact love life she wants" (Mercer, 2005)
Mercer from the fame of "Wedding Date" (my background movie for the day)

Ahh, one last thought;
Happily Ever After; is so Once upon a time.

'nuff nonsense for the day; Pride and Prejudice with some tea and snickerdoodles anyone? :)

snickerdoodling (at first attempt) :)

all that's needed is hope, you say. keep breathing. soldier on. it'll come to you.