Preparation.

first entry for the year; and i wanted it to be something well worth mentioning! This is why i was holding out on this, i wanted it to be significant. Before this year arrived, i couldn't say i was anticipating it with much excitement, neither can i right now. Being all set for His way does not equate actually being excited for it, does it? Or should it? Theoretically, maybe. Well, now that is the fuzzy part isn't it? (at least for me)

A girl can attempt to be ready for her uncertainty in life; yet she does not have to be excited about it! A girl can prepare herself for anything; yet it shocks the life out of her when it really comes to pass. Who actually does it correctly when preparing for the arrival of the emotion, the reaction, the actual event? It almost always turn out totally different. No matter how much time and effort you invested to train that mind to react.

Who prepares for a death? Even if they knew well ahead when was the ETA on going home. Who gets ready for the breakup when you're holding on tightly to all those excessive chemical release, being in love and all.

Oh dear, morbid thoughts. My supposed well worth mentioning thoughts. I guess, this year brought back memories of last year! And have you ever realized how tough it is to forget something you don't really want to remember? It always seem like, the harder you tried to erase it, the stronger it sticks onto you!

So there, my thoughts for the new year. My conclusion for now; one cannot truly be ready ready for something that isn't here yet. Hypothetical isn't real. It is not supposed to be, real. Perhaps, when it is here already, you can then decide to be ready for it. But before it happens, stay put.

(note: thoughts may appear to be a little confusing because maybe it is a little messed up)

On an unrelated note. For the new year, i cut my hair (real short) and found myself a new American series to be addicted to, the series called Life. I love it. He reminds me of someone i know very well. I like his sense of logic and rationale. Charming.

Shall return soon.

Twenty five's the magic number.

I am truly and exceedingly anxious nervous about tomorrow! Seriously, i would like very much to start the new year with a little more certainty. It is going to be my 25th year in life, and 25 years is a long time (at least in my world of perception, it is). One can achieve great things by 25, one can do manymany things in 25 years! Turning twenty five, hey? *it is going to be magical* ..really?

I look back and ponder; wondering how this year went by just like that. As much as i love making lists, i am not in the habit of churning out new year's resolutions, what is the point of having one if i don't even come close to crossing them off by the end of each year? People tend to get excited about the whole new year; new resolutions dramadrama! Its all very pretty to begin the new year with a big bang, along with all these amazing ideas and must dos without taking realism into point here.
(i certainly do not want to sound like a cynical misanthrope, oppsie :p Just a point to note; i do not oppose of having new resolutions in general, just for myself i do =))

"What are your plans for next year?" I get that, alot.
I tell myself; its okay, they're just concerned for you.
but i'm sorry, i can't say and i can't tell you just yet; i whisper to myself
because this life; it's not mine to plan. never was, never will be.
I've learned it the hard way, and am not going to fall back into the old style me.
Its not that i do not have a direction in life, i do (sort of). Just that, i no longer have anything carved on stone. In fact, i no longer do any carving.
..Dreams, i have plenty. Plans, i have virtually none.

This may probably not be the healthiest way of living, but i think its best now for me to take a step at a time. See how things turn out and march along. With baby steps, falling won't be that painful would it?

It is terrifying to not know; but i am comforted to know that He is watching over me, every single step of the way :)

So hit me with the new year resolutions, this is what you most probably will get :)
"Start a Jane Austen book club; learn to make good wine; and maybe start a poker night with the boys (or girls)? Care to join me?"

Have a pleasant new year, world :)

have a great life, you :)

Once upon a time.

When i was quite abit younger; i remember being fully convinced the best and steadiest option headed towards happily ever after is non other than an arranged marriage. That was the plan. Hahaha! Laugh all you want, i was convicted alright :D. I had my reasons, you see. I thought (key word: i thought) wouldn't it be wonderful if i could skip through the whole enchilada; the dramatic release of phenylethylamine, dopamine, norepinephrine, and any other neurotransmitters triggered by the perception of falling in love, followed by the possibility of an arrhythmia whenever you see the other half, and then comes the probability of a broken heart. So, assisted by naivety and ignorance on this whole concept then, i thought the plan viable.
Great, now i sound like a cynical misanthrope who strongly rebukes the idea of love :p
(hey, a good argument always presents both sides of the story eh? :p).

Moment of realization: You find out, arranged marriage isn't the key. :( I've heard, the worst part about loving someone is seeing them love someone else. Unrequited love, eh? Powerful. Drives people insane at times; might even end up a nincompoop doing foolish gestures (and live to regret it, haha).
I sense i've been skeptical enough, time for some shiny and ever after thoughts :)

I love weddings. Really. Love it even more when my friends marry. :)
A very important man in my life told me this just the other day;
"Looking at where your life is headed for right now, you're probably not going to marry anytime soon"
(i don't have that many important man in my life, so i guess concealing his identity isn't crucial huh? go figure. Hahaha)

Fun fact:
Number 1
Did you know i wanted to get married at 21? LOL. :)
Number 2
I am in search for my Christian Jewish Italian chef with a cool last name! :)
A girl's gotta have her moment rite? In my case, a shallow idea of a dreamguy. Lol. Apparently my dreamguy is a 'lil too specific. What are the odds of me finding a Christian Jewish Italian chef lah? let alone with a cool last name. :)

Having said all these; clearly i had way more cynically skeptical thoughts than bright and shiny ones :P
I still am hopeful. I do look forward to the life after :) The wedding is nice (i hear the wedding preparations can freak you out a 'lil, haha), but the best is yet to come, isn't it?
Cheerio, to weddings! and here's another, to the life after :)
(can't wait for the two weddings of two important lovely ladies in my life! :D)

"Every woman has the exact love life she wants" (Mercer, 2005)
Mercer from the fame of "Wedding Date" (my background movie for the day)

Ahh, one last thought;
Happily Ever After; is so Once upon a time.

'nuff nonsense for the day; Pride and Prejudice with some tea and snickerdoodles anyone? :)

snickerdoodling (at first attempt) :)

all that's needed is hope, you say. keep breathing. soldier on. it'll come to you.