Fridays.

I used to adore them. What's not to love about Fridays, ey?

Now, they just remind me of the day i lost my favorite man on this earth.

I go about each day wondering what would his Word of the Wise be for today?

I ask myself, What would papi say about this? Would he be proud of what i was doing?

I was his eldest daughter, his personal psychologist, his fellow TV addict, among many other roles.

He was my earthly guardian, my hero, my source of advice, my father who would do just about anything for his family, and plenty more.

Ever since i flew approximately 10,000 miles away from home, i was afraid i would never have another opportunity to have an actual conversation with him anymore. :(

(Don't get me wrong, i did believe in healing. But unfortunately, i am mere human.)

He started pulling away from the world. He started talking less frequently. I bet even stopped watching TV.

I will always remember how tough it was for him to watch me fade away 2 years ago. Clearly, when one in the family is hurting - the rest naturally follow closely behind with the same burden of hurt.

It was (and still) is beyond painful, yet i have to be strong and brave. I need to be one less of a worry for mom. She didn't need to be worrying about me, she already had her hands full back home.

I miss him, so badly. I miss my father. Call me selfish, but i would like to have my father for longer than 25 years. Yet, I still thank God for providing me with an amazing family. I love you Mom, Cia and Beanie so much ♥.

PS. Now, what was the five steps of acceptance again? Sometimes i wonder if i'm barely past the first. denial.