For the many times i've broken Your heart.

The feeling you get; when a truly annoying song get stuck in your head for the entire day just because some random radio station triggered them hair cells to start bending by playing it early in the morning while you're on the way to work/school. Isn't it the most annoying feeling? For Bleeding love to be blasting in your head for the whole freaking 8 hours you're trying to concentrate on the pc screen? Haha! Plenty of times, that has happened to me! If only, there was a delete song option, for my short term memory! ;)

Then, there's the feeling you get; when the words of a song pierced right through your heart, just because you know how close it represents a smack on the head, telling you to "wakeup! Its bout time you realize this already dumbass, how long are you planning to live in the closet?"

This song; have been bending them hair cells for days now.

O how many times have i broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only i ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything i need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything i need is You
(part of All For Love by Hillsong United)

How many times exactly have i broken Your heart? (i don't even dare start counting :( !) How many times have i then asked for forgiveness? (i'm not proud of the many times :( !) Exactly how many more times am i going to be breaking Your heart? (for i know this will surely happen :(( !) And the worst part; Breaking It knowingly, consciously, and selfishly knowing that You will always forgive me when i ask.

I know i'm not supposed to be comparing my broken heart with the Father's broken heart; for it is not even close to being a bit analogous! Yet, it didn't stop me from wondering how could i break His heart so many times? When i know exactly how it feels; i felt the world crumbling, literally and i couldn't see how it was possible to get out of that shit hole. *Eventually i did, and it was totally through His grace and neverending mercies. This is a whole different story which i'm not going to elaborate further right now ;))* What i am trying to portray here, an extremely vague comparison (definitely not comparable, not even a single bit!); imagine me breaking the Father's heart that many times. I mean, seriously. You thought you were going to die over a broken heart and yet, you are willing to break your Father's heart that many times?

wakeup already elaine.tan :'(

As the damage has already been done, i can only say again and again; I'm truly sorry for all the things i've done. For all those broken hearts i've caused You. I'm eternally grateful for a Father like you, and i really really do love you! :)

PS. Oh, Just in case you were wondering why them hair cells? I was making a reference to the hair cells in our ears, the one that needs to bend in order for us to process auditory information ;)

I should better get going. Heading to the lapangan terbang, will be spending the next few days with the twin sister here at Lion City, Woahh. :) Its bout time, the sisters get together for a great time! =)

I'm glad to have you, even if its only as it is.