Trying not to show.

Trying real hard to think of something captivating to pen down; i stare at a blank page still. Write something interesting, a piece that would pique their attention; they offered advice.

And i wonder, how do i write something enchanting and yet doesn't sound like i'm trying too hard? It doesn't help that i think my life time achievements unfascinating, and boring. How do i turn something boring into an exciting page or two? (deep breaths)

I am aware. There is no room for doubts. All i need do, is do it. Yet, i prefer, dream it.
Nerves, i have no choice but to shake you away. Oh, and please go away will you, conscious intentional procrastination?

Trying to come up with (eight) unique pieces; and at the same time trying extremely hard not to reveal i'm severely straining my ability to write enchantingly.

Perhaps, i need to calm down and think. Write what is best for me, not try to impress. That totally gets me no where near completion of a piece.

I should go; thoughts to put together, pieces to form, sentences to create! Yayy?!

(can't wait for this to end, yet i'm denying to finish it) ahh, the paradox of me.

(Currently listening to: Officially missing you)

its safe to say, i'm officially missing you.
but this i have to, i'm walking away.

Blessed are You; Source of all Life.

when i mention about how the Jewish give thanks to God on all occasion, i wasn't exaggerating at all, not even a little.

On washing hands (during Shabbat);
Blessed are You, Source of all Life, making us holy through Your Commandments, and commanding us to cleanse our hands.
(if you know how much i love washing my hands, :) this amaze me much!)

Thanking God always;
For sweet smelling perfume, For smelling flowers, For a beautiful sight, For hearing a thunder, For seeing a rainbow :) and plenty more simple joys of living (which i constantly take for granted).

For good news;
Blessed are You, Source of all Life, being the good and doing good.

For bad news;
Blessed are You, Source of all Life, being the true judge.

(Oh, the many times we find ourselves paying a visit to the land of Why me, Lord?; before we finally come to terms with the bad news and thank Him, whatever the circumstances)

and as For hope;
Have hope in the Eternal One,
Be strong and your heart will be strengthened.
Have hope in God.
(Psalms 27:14)

I life up my eyes to the hills,
Where will my help come from?
My help comes from God,
Creator of heaven and earth.
(Psalms 121:1-2)
Ahh, if it isn't my favorite Psalm :)

This, i will cling on to. Hope in the Lord.
(i am hopeful)

..stay hopeful, you.

I was addicted to;

online shopping! once upon a time. :)

I'd spend hours browsing through two types of websites,

One within my means (i think i can afford pretty things from this site), while the other i'll be (literally) broke if i purchase anything from this site =)

But of course i wasn't that delusional to purchase anything from the site which will lead to me spending the next couple years surviving on oyster cookies and the water dispenser. Lol!

Those were good times, i ♥ online shopping as much as i adore actual shopping :)

I know i was supposed to be doing something way more productive than this, but i wanted to relieve the moment! ;)

I intentionally stumbled upon Jimmy Choo's! OMG, the craze over the Jimmy Choo for H&M Collection is intensely insane =) Wish i could join in the crazy exhilarating fun, but i'm no where near that range of means, :(

November 14th, he sent the world of H&M into greater fabulousness =)

(note: H&M is fabulous, even on its own)

The bags (exclamation mark.squared!! haha); and the shoes (i know i won't survive 2 minutes in those height, so bags it is. they were elegantly stunning!). Way gorgeous, seriously. Woahh!

Presenting the bags that agreed with my perception of immense aestheticism ;) ohsobeautiful.

(i can't think of that many adjectives to describe their beauty anymore, haha. at least not when i'm distracted by them! ;p i know i'm hopeless like this! they'll get single adjectives for now :p)

Riley Collection

elegant; it could be my everyday default bag :)

Saba/L Collection

stylish; those bangles says it all.

Sky L Collection

chic; what a pretty defining shape.

Blythe/M Collection

(interestingly) attractive; the red.

(snapshots taken from the Jimmy Choo website)

Woot! two entries in a day, i'm on a roll people. Haha! =) I should go, happy! These bags, certainly assisted in the release of endorphins! *smiles* wheeeeee.

(i'll settle for a glance of them in digital format; actual bag isn't quite within means reach ;p)

..you've been missed. i miss you.

Sudden realizations;

eats you from the inside.

I laughed when Jane Nichols exclaimed;
"Its like finding out my favorite song is written by a sandwich!"
after realizing Kevin is actually Malcolm Doyle.
(from the movie; 27 dresses)

At long last, i truly understand how truth can gobble you up from the inside out.
I think back, and see the many moments i justified a doubt, rationalized a situation; that was serious denial going on there!

Ahh, life goes on.
except its like being slapped with the fact;
Calvin's Hobbes is not a tiger but a bird! and after years of adoring Hobbes as a tiger its just not that easy to digest. :(

The truth freaking hurts.
(i wouldn't say it ugly, but i'm sure as a sandwich it hurts!)

..in need of reconciliation.

Still, in lights of the time of the year; Happy Thanksgiving :)

..it is emotionally overwhelming.nice talking to you. and as for now, knitting helps! :)

I'll pray for you, you say; but do we really?

"I'll be praying for you!"
I bet you've uttered that statement countless times; it could even be a reflex reply we blurt out whenever we converse with a fellow believer. Justify it all you want, but do we really mean what we just promised?

Prayer, is an honorable privilege. You converse with the Father, and the upside of it all (whatever is said, all in confidence :p). Plus, you tell it to the best of them all; who else needs to know but Him ehh? Yet, we take it for granted. More frequently we begin to only fervently pray when things start heading downhill; when we are in desperate need of certainty! Afterall, desperate situation calls for desperate measures, hey?

I have a mental prayer list (yes, i am obsessed with lists :p)! When you're on it, i'll pray for you whenever possible (most likely not enough, but i try). :) You'd usually make the list, when i love you so dearly i'd want the best for you! =)
*once you begin praying for someone, know that things will happen. things will change. For whenever we ask for His will be done, it may include drastic measures. keep praying.fervently.
(this i'll elaborate on another time)

The first time i left the dogs home alone overnight; i was so very worried! Worst case scenarios flooded my thoughts; didn't help that my neighbor was cleaning his shotgun (yup, you read right. his shotgun) in his garden just as we were leaving the house. I tell you, i whispered so many prayers for my kid puppies! So many. Knowing they were kindda helpless in self defense terrified me, entirely. You must know i love my puppies exceedingly! Yet, i love the people on my prayer list on a whole different level.

Shouldn't i then be praying harder for them instead, i caught myself asking.

Perhaps, knowing a human being isn't entirely helpless given most situation tends to lessen the urgency of prayer for them. I don't think the Father condone of my justification, yet i needed one to make myself feel better. (sigh)

Pray, i must sincerely. most ardently. For each and everyone on that list of mine! For His will be done. No matter what happens in the process, i ask for His will in your life. Know that i'm here, whenever you need me.

I tucked away Mark 11:24-25 for a lonng time till yesterday! Shame, it used to be a favorite. I'm glad i was reminded, Papi did the reminding in fact :) And i thank you =)

Mark 11:24-25
24 Therefore i tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

I have so much in my mind right now, but i'll leave it to the them neurons to compartmentalized them before i share it here. :)
There's more about prayer, even Jane Austen, stillness, but most of all; you.

(its going to be another all-nighter for me then! yay?!)

..take heart my dear ones.

This time's different.

The moment is in; I've delayed long enough. Plenty of excuses, mostly tomorrow will do. I could almost conclude the universe plots against me. Each time the spirit's up, the virtual world fails me. Seriously, :( Nevermind, the crazy consequences after that fatefully dreaded day. And you'd think not holding a rigid nine to five would do me better with this time management figment of my life; apparently did the exact opposite! Sigh.

Ducks in a row? I guess not yet, :( Soonish i hope. This internal battle oblivious to those on the other side.

I say; this time's different.
I say again; is it really?

I know so; take the first step of good faith is just what i need. =) The earth is merely a footstool of my Beyond Awesome Father, hey? :p

tomorrow is it? i'll see yu on the other side of the field, please stay alive alright? remember, cocktails and anti oxidants. talk soonish, =) (hug)

Cerebration; just when.

delta waves begin eluding me.
words fail to succinctly represent what's left.
sitting in the dark freaking out,
figuring why three times a charm?

you find comfort in solitude.
(if you do not even enjoy your own company to begin with; can you really blame others for not?)

Ahh, for such a day like this.

just a thought, :)

here's one for for the nerves. you'll be more than fine, i know so =)