Ahh, i am only human.

I'd say first impressions are almost as important as being impressively talented. Take notice the next time you meet someone new; we're actually real quick at deciding if we're going to put the extra effort to cultivate some form of relationship with this potential new friend we just met. As for me; i do decide if i'm going to be friends with a certain someone within minutes of our first interaction.

(Having said that, i must admit i have not been doing well with this judgement scheme, haha! *am not even improving. I should probably device a better judgement procedure.)

Ha! By using the word judgement; i just successfully made myself sound like an arrogant selfish judgmental bimbo, ehh?

Point to note; i am talking about first impression judgments, as it has nothing to do with later parts of my friendships (honest) Hmm, so maybe judgement isn't really a good choice of word here huh? I can see too much negative connotation lingering around already, heh.

A (very close) friend once told me, Psychology majors may very well be the most judgmental group of people around. I have to agree, that could be very true.

*disclaimer: it is pretty true for me; this statement is essential as i was taught not to generalized such conclusions. I wouldn't want to be committing a Type I error now, would i? *the horror*

One of the things i do occasionally; count the number of closer friends i have. Friends counting. Call me mou liu if you wish, i really do count my closer friends. Haha! :D I'm not suggesting you should follow suit; but if you so happen to find yourself friends counting. How about a little recounting exercise? Try this; think, of how many of these closer friends, had you once gave a note to self saying "Nahh, not a chance! not in a million years i'll ever be close friends with her!" or "We're so different, we're so not going to have anything to talk about!" or the likes? Funny story (also true, haha); you'll soon realize, somehow after some interesting twist of events, they ended up being one of your best buds :)

(also, it really works both ways :p you know; a guy impresses you, and you think to self - wow, we're really going to get along. and he goes on to *burst the hope* yet, another lapse in judgement. such is life people. suck it up. :p)

(I should probably defend them as well) In their defense, i was/am/going to be someone else's lapse of judgement *wink* I know sometimes, i may just decide to be slightly mean or indifferent. That could probably result in someone else thinking i was a mistake. So see, i could turn out to be one of them for certain people. Statistically, very possible. :)

*hey, at least i'm honest eh? and i'm pretty sure there are people who dislike me in some parts of the world. :p Haha!

(and i wonder if i'm still making sense here)

I know we do need these heuristics to help us along daily life; perhaps maybe we shouldn't be relying too much on first impressions, you think? (if thats possible :p). It is amazing how a single piece of information (it could even be something totally trivial or emotionally based) is perfectly capable of corrupting your inclination towards someone or sometimes even of an inanimate object. I don't know about you, but i speak for myself. Hmm, perhaps i am very judgmental eh? Definitely not a personality trait you'll like to be associated with.

Ahh, i am only human. I only get to tap on my Father's righteousness and holiness. In fact, that should suffice. Remind me Father.

we were always meant to say goodbye. already gone, i am. really.

I wish you love ♥

(i was referring to the song) As i am currently listening to the Michael Bublé version all the days of my (present moment that is.) life! I'm pretty sure i picked up the overly emotive (more commonly known as; emo) habit from a certain someone (it was bound to happen! for it is innate to learn vicariously, is it not? external locus of control. clever. deny all blame after being infected by the emo bug. nevermind my susceptibility to be influenced by you :p). Hmm. I wouldn't say it's an attractive habit to be associated with, but what can i say? Some habits are die hard (they say); ergo i'll probably need to live with it for awhile longer
*hey, i'm not complaining! Till the people around me starts; i guess i'm fine :)

I wish you love ♥ (Michael Bublé)
I wish you bluebirds in the Spring
To give your heart a song to sing
I wish you health
And more than wealth
I wish you love

And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health
And more than wealth
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
And most of all
When snowflakes fall
I wish you love
(i would upload the song along with the entry but mp3s are not an accepted format yet. and i am not that tech savvy to make it pretend as a video! ahh, i could add it into my playlist. am i attempting to pass along the emo bug now? hmm. tag. you're it.)

This is such an emo song lahh! Clearly, it didn't stop me for being so in love with it. Everything about it is so pretty! It is; soothingly melodious with sincerely beautiful words complimented with Michael Bublé amazing vocal talent, makes it all even better :) Ahh, let's not forget the emoish feeling that tags along with it. (it is a rather sad song, i mean. the lyrics)
*its just the kind of song i accept as lovely music, if you know what i mean.

(shall go drown myself to sleep in this song tonight!)
i wish you love. sincerely, i wish you well =)

When i hug you;

(please refrain from completing the When i hug you statement with the following paragraph, haha! Had to add this disclaimer because it just doesn't sound right when you put them both. LOL! Nope, i have not gone bad yet!)
Food poisoning happened *sigh* The (current; papi, mami and i) entire family was inflicted by this vile nasty viral. Bound to a horizontal position for two whole days; i even forgot how to fight off standing up feeling dizzy! Haha. Akhirnya, i didn't get to go visit Beanie Thursday or make it to Seremban for the highly anticipated Fabulous girlfriends weekend getaway :(
*but, all is well now. Thank God! :)

Cia came back Friday during lunch time; papi had a meeting so the both of us waited for him at a coffee place. There were some (attempted) studying going on, ;p In the midst of Root Beer float, Xi Mut milk tea, plenty of literature material scattered across the table, and pencils stolen from the next table; Cia presented me with five methods of expressing love to a fellow human being.
touch, gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of services.
She wanted me to rank them, as i saw fit (in my world!)

Here's what i thought;
Touch (more like, Hugs :D)
(if there was a Saying I Love You, it would have shared the first spot-honor with touch (hugs) :p)
Quality Time (i love one to one catch ups with those special certain ones!)
Words of Affirmation
Gifts
Acts of Services
(If you're reading this entry, and have a couple minutes at hand. Share with me how would your list look like :))

Cia knew which was my first choice right from the beginning :) *who wouldn't? haha! If you know me well, you'll know i'm very fond of hugs, :D
(point of clarification: i do not go around hugging just about anyone! i have certain people i love giving hugs to :))

(now you may; compliment the When i hug you statement with what comes after :p)
.. i am physically saying i love you :)

On a frivolous note;
Of Olive, Russell, Bacon; and Mummy (Princess!) :)) Please don't get stolen (again).

I am convinced. The number six neighbor stole Russell and Bacon. They did; i know they did. No wonder Princess led me to them. They were even (hushhush) whispering when i walked by their house. Our suspicion were substantiated when (hours later) Russell and Bacon came back from that direction. Haha! Okay, i have to admit i was being a little dramatic here. :)

Tapi, i really thought i lost them :'( Seriously. How could those ruthless neighbors steal them away? Olive was so mellowed down without his brothers!
(Olive now sleeps in the porch :D He's the favorite, and he knows it!)
They make me very happy :)) Their way of showing affection is by jumping at my leg while trying to scrape/bite my skin off (x three). Haha.
(the unemployed has got to find some companion rite? heh.)

up and beyond; with you :)

ברוך אתה יהוה אלוהינו מלך העולם

A couple months back i told papi this with much enthusiasm;
"Dee, i think i want to be a Jew lahh" *excited look*
He thought for a bit and then gave me permission to marry a Jew *one among other plausible ways for me to turn Jewish* :D Hmm, what are the odds of me marrying a Jew kan? Haha.
While i was grinning away at my new found ambition :) He went to his collection of books, pulled out two Jewish related books.
Came over to me and said;
"If you want to know more about Jews, read these."
*He handed me the first book - a book on Jewish prayers and blessings*
(me being all excited and ready to explore)
I opened the book.
*He hit me on the head with the other book*
You fail the first test, says he.
I opened it the wrong way. *shyness* Haha!
No wonder he stood there waiting; to catch me in action, he knew i'd get it wrong. :p
*he handed me the next book - a book on Rosh hashanan - its significance, laws, and prayers*
He said; "Get it right this time!" :)
I did. *grin*

I am truly intrigued by its culture :) In Judaism, they have what they call brechah, usually translated as blessings to mark occasions in life! Be it a special or an ordinary day :) It is truly amazing; the things they thank the Lord for, really :) Here, to substantiate my earlier statement; the first blessing in the book papi handed to me was a blessing for the onset of menstruation. Thanking the Lord for making me a woman. Now, isn't that just amazing?
It is shameful; if all we know to do is just complain and ruminate about stuff. Both trivial and major life stuff.
We most certainly need to learn from the Jews. Thank the Lord for the little things, the troublesome things (think menstruation for the females :p), the good things, the not-so-good things, and for every single everything :)

(and that's just on blessings, wait till i move on to their prayers :p)

They have the most beautiful prayers! *and might i add; most aren't very long prayers. or maybe those in this book aren't very long? i'll find out, soonish* Succinctly and sincerely (well) written, and clearly still giving all glory to Him; the Source of all life.

I love this phrase; a phrase that was used rather often in the book. It was said that this phase (or versions of it) is adapted to all possible occasion; as it opens up an opportunity to respond to God, life's Source of Blessing.

ברוך אתה יהוה אלוהינו מלך העולם
(translated as) Blessed are You, Source of all Life.
*i sincerely hope the Hebrew phrase is accurate, :p

Indeed, the Father is the Source of all Life.

Prayer does not make us holy; rather it opens us to holiness; Says Rabbi Dr Michael Shire.
How insightful :)

*fast forward to last month, while in Macao!*

I found a pastor who had a Hebrew/Greek bible :) Woohoo! *Imagine my over-excitement.
*flip.flip.flip(with much care, haha)*

(my vibrating t9 was given much rest, for moments like this! *big grin*)
There it is, the favorite Psalm in Hebrew!

Psalm 121 in Hewbrewish wonder :)
*wonder; as i can't even character recognize anything! Haha.

Pastor handed me another bible, purely in Hebrew.
without English translations.
i believe the word circled in yellow is Hebrew for LORD;
while the one in red is Hebrew for help.

*continue flipping and found the New Testament in Greek*
Here is, Acts 1:8 in Greekness wonder :)

PS. I still want to be a Jew!

Woahh, two entries in two days. I'm on the roll, people! Haha. :D

... you amaze me :)

My phobic reaction.

An intense irrational fear of a living organism (lizards, in my case!); they call it a phobia. I am extremely terrified of it (it shall not be name again, it does not deserve a second mention, haha!). Right, perhaps there is also some form of hatred towards it (with a true passion :p). Seriously, it has a paralyzing effect on me, Lol! The house is so full of it, and it(s) are huge! When i see it around the house, i normally greet it with a scream and the physiological changes of a flight response (most definitely not the fight response =S). I am very mindful of it(s), i know where it's regular hideouts are (but it does surprise me more than occasionally, haha!). Papi knows when i'm headed for the kitchen; cause i warn it(s) i'm coming! *knocks the refrigerator.knocks the table.kicks the cupboard door under the sink.wait 5 seconds (that is plenty of time to flee the scene, it! scram.)* Even with clear auditory signal of my arrival for it; it still manages to chase me out of the kitchen before i complete my task back there. Haha!
*just in case, you're currently confused as to what it is :p It refers to the creature i am terrified of, (she still refuses to mention it's name again, haha!)

I am not talking about it, just for the fun of it. Why would i right? For i hate it(s) with a passion. My main point was actually, phobia itself! You do not want to know how many worst case scenarios i've managed to come up with, concerning it. Even imaginary; it still get to me, real bad. Somehow i'm going attempt to draw a connection between phobia and the uncertain future.

Based on the definition of a phobia, wouldn't it be appropriate to conclude that a constant worrying (at times, fearing) for the future is indeed a phobic reaction. We've been told over and over, we're not to worry about the future. We're constantly reminded we're in His hands. You could never ask for a better hand (for there isn't one :p).

Take the gospel of Matthew, it says plenty about not worrying. :) *why aren't we convicted yet?

Matthew 6:25-33 says;
²⁵ “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷ Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
²⁸ “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; ²⁹ and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰ Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
³¹ “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

What does worrying add to our lives anyway? Only brings about fear. An irrational (could sometimes turn pretty intense) fear for the future; even when we clearly know who holds the future. Uncertainty is scary, no doubts about that! I know it perfectly well, as all i see now is uncertainty :D I thank God for the days when no such worrying occurs; but on days when i'm down in the shithole (pardon my french), it is never easy. (a little disclaimer here!) Of course, i'm not suggesting we should just sit back and do zilch! You know, since it was written, we are not worry about anything! I would say, that is more like being indifferent. Fully trusting and relying on my beyond awesome Father shan't be confused with being indifferent.

Contrary to popular belief, i have more than lazing to do during this phase in my life :) Just thought i should make that clear, Haha. Two months from today; is a day i'm part looking forward to and part dreading. :D

*a part of me for a part of you. sleep is still eluding me, a conundrum you truly are. :(

I am losing it;

the ability to fall asleep in an instant.

i reasoned that it maybe due to the fact i have been under utilizing energy lately; hence i do not need much sleep. Am not matriculating myself enough to require much REM, perhaps? Or i could just be losing it :(

Since sleep is eluding me (right this moment), i decided to talk to myself here. Considering most people (those who would actually talk to me, haha!) left for dreamland or is otherwise engaged to be bothered with my nonsensical drama. :(

I just thought it'll be interesting (self interest here, as it'll be totally useless information to others, Lol. :D) for me to list down the little things i enjoy in life! *well, at least ones i can think of right now :)

I LOVE;

semi colons; aren't they just pretty and mysterious? its like i'm almost done making a statement, but am not quite at the punchline yet :)

hugs; i picked up the habit later than i would have wanted to, but mastered it while in Bemidji! xx.

Calvin and Hobbes; and i still wish they manufacture life-size Hobbes! Hmm, i take that back. Any size would do (desperate situation calls for desperate transformation of wishes, haha!) I'd buy a dozen (at least :p). When i get my dog, i might name it Hobbes (although Hobbes is a modeled after feline, Lol.).
*I like being reminded of this adorable duo ;) Not many things can beat the brilliance of Calvin and Hobbes! *hugee grin here* :D

dogs; (okay, i know huge dogs do not necessarily fall under the categorization of little things , :p) Did i mentioned that i saved a little puppy from the drain just the other day? *happiness* he was soo pretty =)
*i found out the mum and his other two siblings now live across the street from me; i'm going to go buy them some food :p Mami says i can't even afford to feed myself, and now dogs? Haha.

even Cia thinks he's adorable :)
i think i'm going to call it baby Russell.

tea; milk tea to be exact :) i doubt i'll ever get tired of drinking 珍珠奶茶, haha! If milk tea isn't available, any form of tea works as well!

cherry tomatoes; what more can i say? Who doesn't love to munch on juicy and crunchy cherry tomatoes on a lazy afternoon? =)

the idea of a farmland; a little cottage house (a comfortable chair by the window facing the west.), a pretty garden with bright colorful flowers, an oak tree, a huge dog, and of course at least one cow. All these by the countryside in Italy. Lovely :)

happy, shiny and bright smiles (of people and colors) =) Smiles are pretty contagious! Keep smiling, for it'll go a mile :)

a beautiful mind (brain); i am in awe every time i am reminded of how meticulous and thoughtful He was while wiring us up. Its brilliantly amazing! :)
*right, this isn't particularly a little thing either, haha.

These are all the little things (some way bigger than little :p) i can think of right now without getting off topic too often, Lol! Well, at least i still am prone to being random (although being random is hardly consider a skill, haha :p)

you, i don't know? perhaps, i do. :)

Let the recounting journey begin :)

I had a spot at the lobby of 華連堂 (Hua Lien Tong, Chinese University Hong Kong); it was approximately three feet (3 floor tiles or so, haha!) in front of the second window pane. I'll be at par with the air condition if i identified my spot right. :D That's exactly where i stole (borrowed sounds better, heh?) wireless connection (almost) every night around 10+PM. I'll log onto Facebook (can you blame the addict? :p) and MSN (for certain individuals!), for some virtual human interactions :)
*Occasionally i'll have a couple fellow wireless stealer sitting by me! The occasional company is always nice, as i do look kindda weird sitting at that particular spot alone. Hehe. :)
A fellow-wireless-stealer told me one night, "Of course you love it here; you've been in Hong Kong one fifth of this year already! :)". He was right! and i am loving it more each day *huge grin*. In fact, Hong Kong has since been promoted as one of my favorite places in the world :)

香港 Hong Kong; an extremely fast pace culture and is very capable of inducing stress onto the slackers (namely, ME!). Perhaps, i had been loafing around too much that's why. I have a dream; to set up sleep laboratories for the Hong Kongers. They really do need sleep. I wonder if they'll pay to sleep 8 hours while allowing me to monitor their circadian rhythms? :) You should see the tuition/extra classes hype in Hong Kong. Its absurd (no offense :p). But seriously, the cheapest package will have you watching a video of your teacher for a tuition class. Does that even count? So maybe, just maybe they will pay to sleep at my sleep laboratory? You think? :)

I couldn't help but wonder if i was that un-Malaysian while i was there. It was pretty nerve wreaking when i had to present our country report, haha. (confession: i do not know much about my tanah air. *not-that-proud* but that went well, thank God :p). Normally, when someone asked where i was from; Malaysia will not be their initial guess. Apparently i didn't have the Malaysian accent, nor do i look Chinesey. *thats not new eh? Haha. Hmm, did i mention that i was even thought to be a Malaysian native, (*ahem* orang asli? me? LOL!) after i introduced myself as a Malaysian. Then, some referred to me as a Malay, haha! I had to inform them i was actually of (pure) Chinese origin. Getting (much) darker with the help of their summer didn't help with my identity crisis, :) I was told i could represent Malaysia; the Integrated race. Perhaps i could? Maybe then, i'll feel more Malaysianish?
*They always speak to me in English :( We'll be out in a group and (almost) always, they'll converse in Cantonese to people around me! (come my turn) *i smile* *there's a pause*, they switch to English! :((
They; could be anyone. From the 珍珠奶茶 shop attendant to Balou's walker.
I'd say; "其實，我懂講廣東話。" :) Haha.
(kei sat, ngo sek gong gong dong wa)

Visual aid;
To illustrate how dark i was, which led to me being mistaken for a native of Malaysia. :)

PS. I can love Hong Kong as a separate entity, who says i need to first love KL to survive Hong Kong in a long run? What was said later on; that was a very hurtful implication. :( it's not fair. *i can almost hear papi's voice telling me, the world is never fair. I think he's right.

..Cinta ini Membunuhku. Bagaimana, caranya untuk, Meruntuhkan, kerasnya hati mu. Ku sedari, ku tak sempurna, Ku tak seperti yang kau inginkan.