When a question is worth a dime; quit asking.

If i'd get a dime each time someone direct a "are you working yet?" or "what are your plans now?" and the likes at me. May i suggest to leave the poor girl alone to her unsorted thoughts? I'm sure, she'd appreciate it much. :) I know you mean well, but mostly it doesn't help her when she hasn't even been able to sort out her thoughts, let alone her plans for the future. She just came back from an amazing 18 day journey; the experience hasn't even fully dissolved yet! She's still suffering withdrawal symptoms from after Hong Kong, mind you :(

These things, they take time. You don't come up with a full blue print of your life over night, do you? I guess, i can't blame you. You mean well. Yet, i mean for you to quit asking.

It took her a pastor miles away to remind her; it doesn't mean intending to do her post graduate studies in Psychology (*and not Theology) shows she loves the world more than her Father.

"If God can impress upon the heart of a child to take up Theological studies, why can't he impress upon your heart to continue on with Psychology?" Says he.

In all honesty, that statement have never been clearer to me before. It was like an epiphany, dawned on me the night before we were scheduled to return. There was a period not too long ago where i'll pray that the Father take away the desire to study (i still do it occasionally, whenever i literally can't think or do anything but sigh!) :( don't ask me why i did that then; i'll probably give you a socially desirable answer. Perhaps, the truth is - i am afraid. Possible rejections, the thought of treading down the wrong path *again, hypothetical make believe future, all those dreadful (fake) If Onlys. It is not always great to have a mind capable of fantabulous imaginations. Mine's pretty amazing at ekam eveileb as well (think, Cecilia Ahern's If Only You Were Here) Seriously. Not fun at all. :(

I am very hard on myself, i know it exceedingly well. I drill myself with tons of questions, demanding plenty more than an answer. Where was the girl who wanted to take up Theology after her Bachelors? silence. How do you deal with such a big change of focus? still can't get past this. Are you not willing to let go? i'll get back to you. Are you holding on tighter than you ought to? still no answer.

I might be able to pinpoint a certain contributing factor. Loyalty. I believe i'm a rather loyal individual (or so i've been told ;p). Here's an unrelated (but it serves its purpose ;p) example. When you are upgraded to being one of my favorite author; i'll read every single book you wrote, chronologically never mind the different characters or story line! Haha. :p *lets not go into serious matter, i am ashamed of what i could talk myself into compromising.

When presented with an option, a possibility. Perhaps, this could be it *excitement*. How do you feel about it? i ask myself. This time's different. I'll hear myself say; but I've heard that phrase one too many times, to know better. I know, clinging on to hope isn't such a bad idea. Even if its only a glimmer of hope. If that's the only thing you've got left. Cling on to it.

Still, I ask for more. I ask to feel it in my bones.

*Pardon my incongruent thoughts today. I am in the midst of sorting them out :)

In regards to what's my future plans; You'll know when i know. Trust me, you need to let it go already. quit asking.

i adore you.. by the way (Grey, 2008)