I'm sorry i forgot.

I still let myself forget that you have gone home.

It is so much easier.

Being back here, it was so easy to fall back into my own world.

The world where you're just 10,000 miles away.

Cia posted a link on your Facebook wall, i couldn't bear to watch it.

Because i remembered it from a couple years back.

Back when, everything was still bright and shiny.

I miss you so much, words fail me.

13th.

It's July. One year ago, it was the month of too-many-emotions entwined. I believe this year is going to be the same.

Miss you.

A thought came to mind yesterday, I want to help achieve your dream of writing the book. After all, I was commissioned to finish it for you.

You once told me, we should not write a book when we're still fresh in life. Instead, write when we're older and wiser because only then will we have more to offer the world ..with the wise.

Only this time, it'll be in a third voice instead of your own.

So many things you dreamed of, so many things you wanted to see change. Your daughters will strive to carry on your dreams.

Still homesick.

I am at a perpetual state of missing you.

Most times, the heart know not how to respond.

..i was even bargaining for some of mine in exchange for yours,

i still do.

Smaller.

With each dream i have of you,

the smaller you get.

..does that mean that my memories of you are fading?

because memories do fade away.

Missing you, papi.

Two years.

since the first entry of this blog.

So much has happened since. Thinking back, it was pretty overwhelming!

On a summery note, I've been home almost a month now and yet i've done nothing remotely academic related! Yikes. I have to get cracking, like now.

Shall be back soon.

SIx days.

This time next week, i'll be in mid air gliding over the North Pacific Ocean heading home home.

The person is anxious. The heart may be apprehensive. Too many first, the mind is in overdrive. I just need to learn to trust, its all that matters.

Only six days till i begin my travel home, the tummy will not stop churning.

Ma, six.

I'm coming home.

To be honest.

Over the past few weeks, i came about knowing certain things that really upset my heart :(

One after another, they surprised me.

I no longer was able to pretend that everything was fine, i avoided.

and then, i felt stupid.

Am i that bad a judge of character? Am i the one who's being ridiculous?

It was the whole L-drama all over again. I knew it, he knew it.

It hurt. And i begin to wonder if i was ever someone else's wrong horse.

Surely, i was. At one point of my life - i am only human.

..I'm truly sorry if i was a wrong horse you once bet on.

On a frivolous note; April was brilliantly amazing :) Well, at least the end of April was! It was a beautiful day (month) =) All the emotions, all the sorrows, all the hard work - it was well worth it. Thank you Lord for such a wonderful year in Starkville. Thank you for sending beautiful horses my way, Father.

I'll see you back home soon. :)

just 14 more days, Ma.