Smaller.

With each dream i have of you,

the smaller you get.

..does that mean that my memories of you are fading?

because memories do fade away.

Missing you, papi.

Two years.

since the first entry of this blog.

So much has happened since. Thinking back, it was pretty overwhelming!

On a summery note, I've been home almost a month now and yet i've done nothing remotely academic related! Yikes. I have to get cracking, like now.

Shall be back soon.

SIx days.

This time next week, i'll be in mid air gliding over the North Pacific Ocean heading home home.

The person is anxious. The heart may be apprehensive. Too many first, the mind is in overdrive. I just need to learn to trust, its all that matters.

Only six days till i begin my travel home, the tummy will not stop churning.

Ma, six.

I'm coming home.

To be honest.

Over the past few weeks, i came about knowing certain things that really upset my heart :(

One after another, they surprised me.

I no longer was able to pretend that everything was fine, i avoided.

and then, i felt stupid.

Am i that bad a judge of character? Am i the one who's being ridiculous?

It was the whole L-drama all over again. I knew it, he knew it.

It hurt. And i begin to wonder if i was ever someone else's wrong horse.

Surely, i was. At one point of my life - i am only human.

..I'm truly sorry if i was a wrong horse you once bet on.

On a frivolous note; April was brilliantly amazing :) Well, at least the end of April was! It was a beautiful day (month) =) All the emotions, all the sorrows, all the hard work - it was well worth it. Thank you Lord for such a wonderful year in Starkville. Thank you for sending beautiful horses my way, Father.

I'll see you back home soon. :)

just 14 more days, Ma.

April 29th.

Every year, today, you remind me to thank Mom.

For the 24 hour labor she had to endure for me.

Today, 26 years after, i reminded myself.

Thank you Ma, for doing it for me.

I love the both of you so very much.

All my Love,

Your eldest.

Till it heals, or will it not?

..8 months since but the heart remains broken.

15 May 2010, i was so proud of you.

There is no telling,

how your day is going to turn out.

There will come days when you wake up feeling gloomy and crumbly as you frantically seek for the strength to drag your arse out of bed ..but these days are the ones that turned out beautifully.

And come days when you wake up feeling all bright and shiny only to be stumped hard in the noonday.

There is no telling, when our time comes.

So just in case, i need you to know that I love you. So much, favorite.

"..we all have a time, and it always comes!" - a very wise imaginary friend.