To be honest.

Over the past few weeks, i came about knowing certain things that really upset my heart :(

One after another, they surprised me.

I no longer was able to pretend that everything was fine, i avoided.

and then, i felt stupid.

Am i that bad a judge of character? Am i the one who's being ridiculous?

It was the whole L-drama all over again. I knew it, he knew it.

It hurt. And i begin to wonder if i was ever someone else's wrong horse.

Surely, i was. At one point of my life - i am only human.

..I'm truly sorry if i was a wrong horse you once bet on.

On a frivolous note; April was brilliantly amazing :) Well, at least the end of April was! It was a beautiful day (month) =) All the emotions, all the sorrows, all the hard work - it was well worth it. Thank you Lord for such a wonderful year in Starkville. Thank you for sending beautiful horses my way, Father.

I'll see you back home soon. :)

just 14 more days, Ma.

April 29th.

Every year, today, you remind me to thank Mom.

For the 24 hour labor she had to endure for me.

Today, 26 years after, i reminded myself.

Thank you Ma, for doing it for me.

I love the both of you so very much.

All my Love,

Your eldest.

Till it heals, or will it not?

..8 months since but the heart remains broken.

15 May 2010, i was so proud of you.

There is no telling,

how your day is going to turn out.

There will come days when you wake up feeling gloomy and crumbly as you frantically seek for the strength to drag your arse out of bed ..but these days are the ones that turned out beautifully.

And come days when you wake up feeling all bright and shiny only to be stumped hard in the noonday.

There is no telling, when our time comes.

So just in case, i need you to know that I love you. So much, favorite.

"..we all have a time, and it always comes!" - a very wise imaginary friend.

Homesick.

The lyrics of this very song hit closest to the heart.

:'(

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times

And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you

But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry

Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways

The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know

But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same

Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye

And in Christ, there is no end

So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have

To see you again

To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Homesick by MercyMe.

..btw, I think i've gotten really good at masking random tears that decide to grace me oh.so.often.

Everyone.

dies ..eventually.

People often say that with age comes wisdom. I no longer buy that equation, not since I crossed path with some not-so-wise-older-people.

So, what exactly happen to us as we age?

When what they call life sets in along this earthly journey, or when we finally stop wishing to remain little people so we could still hide in our parent's shadow - what changes?

One fine day, we'll truly know that there is nothing to fear.

..It is after all part of one's life cycle.

Hope.

Hopefully one day i'll look back at this week and wonder what was wrong with me?

Ehh?

Sigh. Such a horrible week. I really feel like crawling under a rock until its safe to emerge into this world again, or maybe i could just sit in my closet.

Lousy thoughts, gloomy mood, sucky weather. Yuck.

NeedSpringBreakNOW.

If i were to run away,

would you know where to even start looking for me?