A play of one.

You wake up one morning;

to find the perfect little happy bubble you live in is now leaking.

You peer out that tiny hole;

only to find a world new world foreign to you.

How oblivious can one be?

The world revolves around the sun,

..most certainly not you.

So much pain,

So much truth hidden behind make.believe happiness.

They are many,

you are one.

It is definitely easier,

to retreat back to the (leaking) bubble and your play of one.

Oswald Chambers said;

"Launch out in reckless belief that the Redemption is complete, and then bother no more about yourself, but begin to do as Jesus Christ said - pray for a the friend who comes to you at midnight, pray for the saints, pray for all men. Pray on the realization that you are only perfect in Christ Jesus, not on this plea. - O Lord, I have done my best, please hear me."

Oh Father,

Help me serve others,

with a joyful heart no less than willing.

Journey with me,

as i launch out and care less about me.

Teach me patience,

to love the many.

This time, i knew.

I just wrote a two page narrating the dream of you. Yet, i'm still afraid its going to fade away any second.

This time, it was clearly you. I was sitting on your lap, all i did was hug you tight. I asked you questions, morbid ones as we both seemed to know. I knew you were going away again, just wasn't sure when. You looked at peace, and were still giving me your words of wisdom on death.

..I even asked you if you were excited to go home (i told you it was morbid). I asked if you could smile down on us from time to time, but it was a negatory - i wonder why, i'll find out for myself soon enough.

I couldn't remember if i said I Love You enough (or at all) while hugging you. I really wish i did. Even in my dreams, i was so afraid of the time you were going home ..again. It wasn't you this time, it was me. Waking up took you back home again.

It was Cia's 24th yesterday, and it felt like such a different day. Our first birthdays without you are coming up. Maybe that's what's making me all jittery.

I love you so much daddy.

Snowed in, :)

I don't hate you but i wish you didn't have to come by so often, Mondays.

I did what Calvin would do, build a (single) mini snowman army :D

It was such a beautiful sight to wake up to this morning!

You constantly amaze me.

Today, is the day i decide to learn to love You so much once again.

..Show me how to love like You have loved me.

And for the 29th time, Blessed Birthday favorite one ♥

I pray that you continue to grow into a man after God's own heart!

Remember, Psalm 55:22.

Cast your burden on the LORD,

and He shall sustain you;

He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.

PS. When you find yourself listening to this over and over again, you know you're missing home more than quite abit!

A hole, too hard to fill.

I way more than love you,

it breaks my heart.

:'(

I'm going to have to learn to keep breathing with a hole in my heart.

Ready, or not.

Spring is here.

and I'll have to brace myself and survive it.

It's about an equal mixture of nervousness and excitement.

I do look forward to an amazing Spring semester and to end my first year with a glorious note :D

Also, knowing that students truly enjoyed your lecture and you being their TA,

never fails to brighten your day.

To many more bright&shiny days, cheerio!

Note to self: Do stay sane, Oh and do try to eliminate procrastination. *wink.

get.your.ducks.in.a.row.pronto!

White Christmas.

..*tip tap* i thought i heard snow falling in my sleep. Its Mississippi i am at right now, i remembered - i brushed that thought away and went back to zzzland.

6:30AM - Tiff's mom woke us up; "Its snowing" says she!

Best (and first) WHITE Christmas ever =) Waking up to snow falling from the Heavens Christmas morning was just picture perfect. Lovely. Stunning. Amazing.

It was a magical Christmas i had this year, with the Woodcocks - truly a wonderful family!

I didn't think i would have survived this Christmas, but i did very well i must say :)

I am actually very excited to hear all about your first Christmas in Heaven, papi. I am equally as curious about your "day to day" activities up there.

Wish we could trade stories ..like now would be fantastic?!

But i guess i'll wait, till we meet again in the Heavens.

..you'll always remain as my special favoritest man in my whole wide world, papi. Love you.

ps. as much as i truly enjoyed snow falling on Christmas morning, part of me wished i was home with the family. Love you all bunches, see you in 5 months :)

Glad tidings,

i bring to you.

Once again, we're at the magical month of December :)

In my strangely finite mind, December is closely placed alongside ..White snowy Christmas spent with family/closed ones while sipping peppermint hot chocolate (source: my tv addiction)

In reality, 'tis the season when i'll miss home the most.

They say, the first year is going to be the toughest.

..their first wedding anniversary, our first Christmas, our first new years, our first birthdays, his first birthday, his first anniversary, among many more first ..without him.

I've been pondering quite abit lately, :( I still can't quite comprehend this. I don't understand and i don't think i ever will. :'( How did that one month do so much more harm to my heart than my past 25 years did to me? How can you be there for my first 25 and not my next 25? ..How do you tell your heart its okay and everything is going to be fine?

PS. Its the thirteen once again.

Dearest papi,

I survived my first semester as a Graduate student. You'll be proud to know that i did exceedingly well :) One down and only nine more amazing semesters to go!

In my heart, you'll always be journeying alongside me.

Oh, how do i even begin with how much i miss and love you? :'(

Know that i am ever so proud of you.

All my love,

Laine